Two Truths and A Lie
Posted by Tyler D. | Posted on August 5, 2010
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Okay, so this is going to be sort of a targeted post. You know those rules in “Never Have I Ever” where you’re not allowed to hone in on just one person’s embarrassing moments? Yeah, well throw that out the window because this one’s for you, incoming freshman. I’m giving advice here, and I would advise you adhere to it.
As your orientation nears, expect to start playing the “get to know you games.” You’ve played them at camp; you’ve seen them in the movies, and they’re coming right to the Keyser Quad near you. The Orientation staff LOVES the “get to know you” classic: “Two Truths and A Lie.” So get ready because they’re going to happen, whether you’re ready or not.
Personally, I ALWAYS have trouble coming up with my “truths.” I can never think of anything interesting enough to share that isn’t mortifying (I couldn’t ride a bike until I was ten?!?!). Therefore, I resort to a terrible strategy/ habit: using all lies. This tactic had fared well up until the that scorching summer of ’09 when I arrived on the hot boundary of AMR II Griffin House. There, I met my RA Austin. He seemed friendly enough. Or did he? It was the gleam in his eye that led me to concoct that we would soon be playing a so-called “ice breaker” game…. okay sorry, I just got a little too into the Phillip Marlowe there ( I need to simmer down).
Anyway, with my RA Austin and my AMR “housemates” I did my first round of get to know you’s on my first night of college. Of course, I panicked on the spot. What were my “truths” that night? Let’s see…
[Scene I: A tan, sweaty Tyler in a meeting with approx. 40 other excited freshmen. Tyler tries to position herself near the room's only fan but still sit far enough away from her crazy roommate. She's zoning out about the Cold Stone she saw on her way to campus. Suddenly, all eyes are on her. Wait?! When did it become her turn? Quickly, she comes up with her three things.]
- “I used to live in Canada.” [Ding! Ding! That's a lie, Ms. Tyler. You spent a summer in Maine, yes, and it was relatively close to the Canadian border, sure. But that does not a Canadian make!] Lie #1
- “I’m a vegetarian.” [Okay, sure. You're a vegetarian if Big Macs are made out of leafy greens and crab cakes are actually just chick peas in disguise. I don't have the self-discipline to be a vegetarian.] Lie #2
- “I’m Ted Kennedy’s Niece.” [WHAT? The late Ted Kennedy?!? The humanitarian, brother of the beloved JFK Kennedy? Oh no you didn't Tyler. Your Roman Catholic grandmother is going to stop saying prayers for you and leave your soul in Purgatory!"] Lie #3
And then I don’t know what happened. An alien must have come down from the heavens and forced me to shake my head first when the crowd guessed that my lie was the thing about being a vegetarian. Then I really dug my hole when I shook my head to the Canada question.
All of a sudden, despite a genealogy that stops back in New Jersey, I became apart of the Camelot lineage! Oh, snap!
I spent the rest of that first night awkwardly nodding when people talked about my beloved uncle; his death; his legacy. I must have looked embarrassed and chagrined when they approached me with questions about him. Instead, I was too mentally embarrassed of my childish actions. What eighteen-year old does that?
Lying about things is okay at camp, when Lars the cute Swedish counselor gets back on the plane back to Stockholm, and he never needs to know that you aren’t actually going to pay for his plane ticket back to the states next December. I’m not going to pretend to regret those kind of lies (Lars was really cute).
However, I did regret my silly “icebreaker” lie that required me to slowly come clean to my classmates during orientation week. I would quietly do it; explain that it had been a joke. Oh, what a reputation I was making… not just a liar- but an unfunny liar!
Now this story is just a laughing point among friends. But at the time, I pictured myself transferring to the University of Alaska and pulling a Joan Rivers to disguise my face.
And while I only went on to embarrass myself in infinite ways throughout freshman year, oh how I wish that I had never made that silly lie!
Moral of this post: Be yourself. I don’t care how many self-help books you have read this mantra in, believe me now. Because no one wants to be the late Ted Kennedy’s fake niece this orientation. Save yourselves! And if you’re going to pick a politician to fake be related to …. a least pick a Congressperson (they’re only famous if they’re cray cray).
And for the inevitable “Two Truths and a Lie” game – just admit that you rode in a stroller until you were seven. It could be worse. You could be me.

Me standing outside of the Senate Building.... where my "uncle" Ted Kennedy would have worked if we were actually related.











































