We need to talk. I’ve been doing some deep thinking for a really long time and it’s time I told you something:
I’m breaking up with you.
I know what you were thinking – things are going great! Why now? What did I do? Truth is, everything was going great, in fact, everything IS going great. The unfortunate fact of the matter is, however, that the more and more I try to define my future, the less and less space I see to fit you in and that’s not something I can change.
I see a happy future ahead of me, one that I think I’ve always wanted – teaching American history in High School, and I’ve had a few recent experiences to help me recognize that. Last May, before we really met, (well technically I’d heard all about you, but I don’t think you even knew I existed) I took an internship as an intern and student teacher at my local middle school. They called me “Mr. Cryan” and I would teach them all about things like the Romans and the Mayans (the fact that I knew barely any specifics about the Mayans notwithstanding) and it was the happiest work experience I ever had. Until, of course, about one month later I set off for the Gambia and taught Math and Journalism in a school for disadvantaged girls. I loved the thrill of presenting, and how I knew I was making a difference in these students’ lives. So, when I stepped onto the beautiful Johns Hopkins campus and we finally started dating, I already had an inkling of what I wanted in my future, but decided that I could probably keep you in it.
But there was one thing in all that teaching experience that didn’t feel exactly right to me. Sure, I love math and journalism and ancient history, but I didn’t get the magical *click!* I get when I know something is completely right. I didn’t get the immediate *click!* with you either, but I thought maybe you and I just needed more time to get better acquainted.
The trouble is, I found someone. Someone who clicks.
Well, not so much found, as remembered. I actually think you two know each other – history! We dated a little bit in High School but at the time I never thought we would be serious or anything. However, we ran into each other recently (we have a pretty great class together this semester, Abraham Lincoln and His America) and all those feelings just came rushing back, but now with a purpose – I wasn’t going to teach math, or journalism, or ancient history, or political science – I am going to teach American History!
At this point, if you’re even still reading and haven’t yet balled this letter up in anger, it is really important to me that you understand that for a long time, I really, truly loved you. Remember how in my first blog I paraded the fact that I wrote an essay in the style of the Declaration of Independence as a token of my deepest affections for you? And over the course of the year, we’ve had some simply wonderful experiences. Remember when we took international politics together and used big words that we could tack on things like -ization and -ism and -politics with ease? Or when we would read the newspaper together and laugh over the ridiculousness of the primaries? (It was that or cry…) There were so many late nights that we spent together cramming like crazy, and I loved every second of it. …There was probably a better way to say that. Anyways the point is that we’ve had some amazing experiences and I’ve cherished the moments we’ve had together.
You’ve been absolutely wonderful these last few months and I will always remember you. The only problem is that I need different things than what you can give me. I just hope that, in time, we can still be friends.