This year marks my second year staying in Baltimore for Thanksgiving. It’s bit weird seeing all your friends and classmates heading home for the Holiday, while you stay near campus making microwaveable asian noodle bowls for dinner. It’s been pretty crazy recently. There is only one week left of class, and I still have two midterms left. Then it’s finals time, and then I finally get to head home.
I’ve been giving a lot of life recently to what is the Hopkins experience to me. In three short weeks I’ll be over the hump, completed 5 semesters, and only 3 more to go. The one thing I’ve done a lot of at Hopkins is classes. Every semester but one I’ve overloaded, taking 19, 21, and even 22 credits. Every time I’ve made it through with incredible consistency, and that’s why I have no worries that in three weeks I will have happily, or unhappily (I kid), finishing my toughest semester yet. It’s always been my choice to take so many credits. I’ve never been pressured or force to take an extra class. There are of course penalties you pay when you make this decision. One being a lack of sleep, the other being (maybe) a loss of a little sanity. Last week, as I was heading to the registrar’s to remove one of my many holds before registering for spring courses, I called my mom, which is something many stressed college kids do. She said something to me that kind of opened my eyes. She asked me why I always took so many classes, to which I responded, “Because I figured if I am only here for four years, I want to learn as much as I can.” Then she responded, “I think you are trying to prove something.”
It got me thinking maybe I use my “I want to learn” reasoning, to hide behind something else, something deeper. I think deep down maybe I am still trying to prove that I am good enough, that I deserve to be here at Hopkins, that I am an intelligent female. In my last three semesters at Hopkins, I don’t want to waste them in the library. I want to enjoy things that makes the Hopkins experience unique, like taking Spring Fair weekend off and going to the Lighting of the Quads. I have only a short time left here, and if I waste my time trying to prove to myself that I’m worth it, it will vanish quickly, and I’ll never get to enjoy the fun times that make up half of the Hopkins experience.