An Ode to Thumbtacks
5
Posted by: Hopkins Insider | 
August 18 2008 | 
Comments (5)
Editor’s Note: This is the first in a five-part series where we are featuring guest blogs written by incoming freshmen to the Class of 2012. We hope you enjoy these entries from students on the verge of beginning their Hopkins experience.
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Name: Hannah Joo
Year: Class of 2012
Hometown: Kirkland, WA
Intended Major: Neuroscience
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My thumbtacks sit in their tiny box on my desk, cheerfully blue, red, 
yellow, green, white and black. They, more than anything or anyone else, make me feel ready for college. I imagine them pinning notes, event notices, and assignments to an imagined bulletin board in an imagined dorm room during an imagined upcoming year, and their concrete existence in my peripheral vision convinces me that everything else I’ve imagined for the future might—just might—join them in happy tangibility.
I bought them at the University of Washington bookstore in Seattle, when my best friend and I drove down to the University district. I rarely drive on the freeway (by this mean, I avoid it at all costs), so it was a little terrifying 
for both of us. After crossing the 520 Bridge over Lake Washington, we got off the freeway and I thought we were in the clear. …But then a rather aggressive truck driver in the right lane and my Honda Civic-driving self in the left lane decided, in a moment of automotive like-mindedness, that we were both going to move into the center lane. The aggressive truck driver honked excessively, tailgated me, and then gave me the finger when he finally sped off, causing me to burst into embarrassed tears. I think it was the first time anyone has flipped me off; because I was partially to blame, and because despite being atheist I somehow ended up with Catholic guilt, it took me a good ten minutes to stop crying.
I parked the car, my friend and I got out, and we started walking toward the bookstore. On our way there, we ended up stopping in an Indian restaurant to talk to a guy my friend recognized from Martial Arts class. He (this friend) had spent a year in Thailand being heavily tattooed, growing dreadlocks, and becoming worldly and spiritual; I felt young and un-tattooed in his presence. This resulted in more college angst, which I added to my quickly-growing bucketful. My fifteen-year-old brother having his first girlfriend makes me aware of my age and anxious about college. So do those creepy Target and IKEA ads featuring sterile-looking dorm rooms, my father’s insistence I buy luggage (Soon, Hannah! We have to do it soon!), and seeing old friends. Actually, at this point, even trimming my toenails and brushing my teeth makes me nervous about college, because I’ll probably have to trim my toenails and brush my teeth when I am in college, too. My condition is certainly worsening.
We made it to the bookstore eventually, and because we share a committed and undying love of office supplies, my friend and I made a beeline—or, I suppose, two beelines—to the basement, where they keep pens, book covers, backpacks, other dorm room supplies for UW students. My friend and I are actually both going to Hopkins next year. We both applied to the University of Washington too, though, so being on campus is like visiting a once-potential future. When we get to the book covers section, there are all sorts of Washington landscapes to choose from: the space needle, Seattle at night, Mount 
Rainier. It hits me, again, that I’ll be on the other side of the country next year. No space needle, Seattle at night, or Mount Rainier.
I left the book covers and hit the good stuff: ballpoint pens, mechanical pencils, bulletin boards, thumbtacks. This is where, in my state of constant, low-level anxiety regarding college and leaving home and reluctantly growing up, I found my thumbtacks. They were five dollars, and have been on my desk, waiting, since that afternoon.
My box of thumbtacks brings my upcoming years at Hopkins into focus and out of cloudy abstraction more than a send-off party or the purchase of extra-long sheets has. Please don’t get me wrong (Hopkins, don’t start sending thumbtacks instead of hosting send-off parties) here: both the send-off party and the sheets are great…they just don’t resonate with me the way thumbtacks do, I guess…? At the send-off party, I met other incoming freshmen and we talked about our classes, our summer jobs or internships, and what we plan to major in. My extra-long sheets brought up ridiculous, angst-ridden questions like, If I’m going to reinvent myself, do I really want pink sheets? and If I get black sheets, will it be obvious I wanted the pink sheets but was just too self-conscious to get them? For whatever reason, nothing has really excited me the way my thumbtacks have. I bought them especially for Hopkins, and I will not use them until I get there. That’s less than a month now, and I’m glad I haven’t received any more mail from Hopkins with the requisite, terror-inducing, “Only 35 more days until you arrive on campus!” countdown. I would certainly be overwhelmed.
Last night, my family and I went to see Mamma Mia. Despite it being a terrible movie, there was one scene that was unexpectedly moving (it probably wouldn’t be, if I were more stable). Donna, the mother of the main character, is crying about her daughter growing up and leaving home. 
My mom and I sat in the theatre side by side and cried to ABBA’s “Slipping Through my Fingers” (Lyrics: “I watch her go with a surge of that well-known sadness/And I have to sit down for a while/The feeling that I’m losing her forever/And without really entering her world/I’m glad whenever I can share her laughter/That funny little girl/Slipping through my fingers all the time…”). I have to go home and look meditatively at my thumbtacks before I feel my emotional balance tipping away from anxiety and sadness toward excitement and anticipation again. It’s certainly a difficult balance to maintain.
Three of my other closest friends (this is in addition to the friend I bought the thumbtacks with; so four total) are also going to Hopkins. In my opinion, this is a little bit heavy on the statistical anomaly…but mostly I’m probably just sore because they’re ruining my dream of going across the country alone, independent, for a completely fresh start—the more immature corners of my soul feel that they stole my college. (Chronologically, this makes no sense, because the four of them all got in early decision, and I only decided in April. But hopefully you didn’t read the parenthetical and don’t know that..!) Given my anxiety levels, ultimately it will probably be good to know some people who will be there next fall.
By Kevin Hughes, August 18, 2008 @ 2:48 PM
This is a great blog entry! A worthy winner!
You really hit all the points that so many of us are worrying about, especially now that there is only a week left. I love your writing style, and I’m looking forward to reading more of these blogs!
By JHU_Lauren, August 18, 2008 @ 4:46 PM
I LOVED this blog, Hannah! I think everyone can relate to that feeling of being all prepared and ready to just GO already .. but, at the same time, being completely nervous and anxious about starting something new. You {and your thumbtacks} will have a GREAT year once you settle in though, I know it! :)
By Mandy Stein, August 19, 2008 @ 3:39 PM
This was such a great post! I could totally relate to you and your mom, that’s so sweet :) Enjoy the rest of the summer and I’m sure I’ll see you around campus!
By Daniel Creasy, August 20, 2008 @ 9:09 AM
Hannah,
Fantastic job with this entry. The part about Mamma Mia and your family made me reflect about moving in to college way back when and saying goodbye to my family too. Anyone who knows me knows I can cry easily, and those lyrics brough a bit of a tear to my eye. My Mom also loved your entry.
Great job!!!
Cheers
By Jessica Kraus, August 21, 2008 @ 7:57 AM
I’ll admit, I got choked up at the part about your mom and you at Mamma Mia. I was just like you last year, trying to get everything ready way in advance, brainstorming everything I could possibly need for the year. Of course this year I haven’t even started packing.
Great entry!