Wish You Were Here

ho-hum.

Well, well, well.  I haven’t done this in a while!  I should apologize — it really has been FAR too long since I’ve blogged.  I wish I had an exciting reason for my absence, but I don’t have any great excuses … other than the fact that I’m a sophomore at Hopkins.

To be completely honest, I was really looking forward to this semester.  Sure, I needed summer so that I could relax a little, see my family and friends, take a break from deadlines and papers and readings .. but I was so ready to get back to school in the fall and dive right in.  I was going to learn so much about some really interesting topics.  I was going to be organized.  It was going to be a piece of cake.

And I had fun when I got back to campus.  I decorated my room and ate lots of good food and was able to spend time catching up with my friends.  But that was Orientation week: then sophomore year officially began.

I’d be overly dramatic if I said things were horrible right now.  My classes are relatively interesting and the professors are organized; I’m not unhappy, and I’m still dead-set on being English/Writing Sems; I’m even 100% sure I’m not the busiest person on campus.  But so far this semester, even though I hate to admit it, I’m stressing out.  I, like a lot of college students, get overwhelmed way more often than I used to about the amount of work I have to finish on a given day.  I think I had this much work last year too, though … the difference is that the work doesn’t feel worth it like it did in the past.

Maybe that’s just because I’m sort of settling into a sophomore slump.  It’s a fact: I’m not a freshman anymore.  I just don’t have that delicate mix of motivation (to do well, to prove that a spot in your class was wisely given to you, to continue to succeed) and fear (of not being smart enough, of my high school achievements being the “peak” of my academic life, of not being able to handle it) that only comes with being a freshman.  That combination drove me last year to happily work hard to prove myself and to try to find value in every one of my classes.  Last year, even though I had lots of work and crazy due dates to meet, it was ok: I felt like I was getting so much out of the work that I put in.  This year, it’s hard to slip back into that mindset.

But I’d be silly to let the disappointment of one semester turn me off to academia completely.  I still LOVE Hopkins, and am grateful every single day that I can go to school here, work here, have fun with my friends here, and show it off to my family when they come to visit.  I just hosted a prospective student who is applying Early Decision and who is so passionate about coming here that she reminded me of something I think we all tend to forget: we all wanted this.  It’s hard sometimes and it’s a lot of work, but we all were ridiculously excited to be accepted here.  We chose to turn in our deposits and enroll.  And there are thousands of students just like us who wanted it – BAD – who unfortunately didn’t get to do that chance.

So, I’m just looking forward to next semester with the same enthusiasm as I did for this one.  Sure, things might not work out and I may be just as disappointed come February.  But, in my mind, next semester is going to be GREAT.  My classes are going to be enjoyable and I’m going to be on top of my work and I’m not going to stress out.  If I believe it hard enough, I’m going to make it come true.

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