Wish You Were Here

To Whom It May Concern

I tend to sign my job application emails with a few simple words: “I look forward to hearing from you soon.” I choose that phrase in particular because it’s simple, polite, and entirely open-ended. In effect, you can pretty much do what you want with it. But, when I say it (following that resume and cover letter I’ve spent tens of hours honing just to impress you), I really mean:

You’ve probably skimmed my cover letter and (hopefully) read my resume, but you’re not replying to my email just yet. That’s ok. I just want to remind you that you should follow up at some point because I’m sitting here with an anxious pang in my chest at the thought of May 27th, the day after I graduate. Personally, on May 27th I think I should have a job at your company. And here’s why.

Coloring outside the lines and thinking outside the box since 1989.

I pay “attention to detail.” I’m “self reliant” and “take initiative.” I have “prior experience” and “knowledge of the entertainment industry.” I am your job description.

I have faith in things, even making wishes. Totally a kid at heart.

I know my stuff. I know Avid and Final Cut Pro and Photo Shop and HTML and Microsoft Office and fax machines and copiers and telephones and Macs and PCs like the back of my hand, assuming I’m extremely familiar and incredibly proficient with the back of my hand. Managing people and money (in large quantities for each) is a piece o’ cake for me. Juggling multiple tasks and deadlines at once? No sweat. The confidence to speak up when I have an idea, objection, concern, etc.? If there’s one thing you should know about me…that won’t be a problem.

I rarely take myself too seriously.

I’m qualified, but I’m still humble. I might have felt invincible every day of high school, racking up A+’s and leadership titles and college recommendations, but the truth is that Hopkins reminded me I’m still a tiny part of a big, big world. Nothing better than to have the world’s best minds studying hard around me to make me realize I still have things to learn. Plenty of things. Most things, actually. But you can teach some of those to me (which should make you feel pretty good).

I'm capable of deep, contemplative thinking.

I like change. I never used to, but somewhere along the way I learned to roll with the punches. But I don’t just endure them – I crave them. Doing something different every single day? Forging across unknown territory? Taking the initiative to come up with my own ideas and solutions to get us through? Even the thought of it thrills me. In fact, not hearing from you right now even makes me a little excited. Twisted, I know. But having entirely zero plans for May 27th means that everything, everywhere is open to me.

I find inspiration everywhere. (That's a Warhol doll at the BMA gift shop.)

I’m cool (or try to be). I’m creative. I work hard, but I’m not work-obsessed. I laugh easy. Most importantly though, to this ideal job: I want you.

This career is it. I’ve tried everything I love – fashion, journalism, magazine, public relations, public service. But you, film production in all your glory, combine every passion of mine into one neat, stimulating, colorful, shiny package. You make me think and problem-solve. You let me splash around in my imagination’s palette – and you let me produce something out of it. You let me work in a team – the idea of a huge group of talented, interesting people working toward a common goal overwhelms me sometimes and really pleases me. You let me push myself and our culture towards something new. You let me multi-task and feel the rush of deadlines, of flying by the seat of your pants, of organized chaos. (You even let me boss people around sometimes.)

And, considering alone that I packed all that into one little sentence…I think you should give me a chance.

ginger fizz

“You never seem to give yourself away completely, but of course dark-haired people are so mysterious.” – Lucien Carr

I have been a brunette for twenty years. Forgetting about the several months when I was borderline bald as a newborn and the unfortunate choices to cut my hair short in 2nd and 8th grade, my hair has also always been long. These two attributes have, somehow, always defined who I am and that quote up there {which I pulled from a book of published letters between Allen Ginsburg and Jack Kerouac}, as much as I hated to admit it, rang fairly true for me. All girls like feeling a little mysterious and I love my natural dark hair but, at the same time, it felt like it was too standard for me: it became so normal and expected that it was always holding something back. It was “me,” but “me” started to feel very, very simple.

And so, in August, I decided to throw that out the window. I still have long hair {because I believe short hair only looks good on people whose heads are the appropriate size and, if you know anything about me, you know that I think my head is rather large}, but the brown is no more. I went into the salon and demanded red hair: copper red with hints of gold and highlights of sass.

Natalie, Naomi and me in the Young Alumni tent

I felt a difference almost right away. At first, I felt like I was wearing a costume and tended to act like a much more animated version of myself. That wore away, but what remained was this new sense of place: to reference the quote, I knew there was more to me and I wanted to give it all away. I figured out I could be mysterious and still live intensely. I had a right to talk to you just as much as anyone else. I had a right to say what I thought, to do what I wanted. I had a right to laugh and smile just as wide as I wanted to, whether or not I felt like a goof for doing so. I’m not sure why it took a lightening of my hair to brighten up my outlook in that department, but I’m glad I did it. I feel lighter; I feel more creative and less judgmental. It’s like all my best qualities came to the surface and the dark ones fell away.

Roarin Twenties date party!

So now I’ll ask the question you all have to be asking too: This pertains to Hopkins how…? In truth, on the surface it doesn’t. This is a selfish post, just as dyeing my hair is an inherently selfish decision. But these life decisions that change the things you like and dislike, and the way you talk and the way you feel about the world, that even have the power to change your very value system and idea of yourself as a person… they’re what college is all about. Every day, I kick myself for waiting until the first semester of senior year to feel this way. To be honest, I was never the most motivated student you’d ever meet, but it took three years and a hair makeover for me to realize that college isn’t about getting A’s on every assignment. It’s not about how many hours you log studying. It’s not about having every single page of reading done for discussion. My professors would hate me for saying so, but it’s not. Now, as I sit here and the days are ticking away, I realize it’s not about any of that. It’s about pushing your limits and trying new things, whether you’re ready for them or not. It’s about making your own red hair attitude happen – complaining infinitely less, taking as many risks as possible, and giving 100% of yourself away to learn, experience, and grow more. I’m so grateful that I discovered this while I still had time.

Two of my absolute favorites - me with Ashlee and Courtney

At the moment, there is nothing I love more than standing out on campus at sunset with the wind blowing in my hair. In film, we call the last hour of sunlight of the day “magic hour” – just as the sun starts to set, it bathes everything in red and gold and, for a fleeting amount of time, the world looks intensely romantic. I look around to the brick buildings and feel the sun on my face, in the breeze, in between the strands of my now-magic hair. I anticipate meeting up with my friends for dinner or a campus event, depending on the day – and I feel perfect. I know I’m not, and I know my college experience isn’t either. But I feel like I am doing exactly what I should be doing and I take comfort in the fact that I go to bed every night knowing that I didn’t waste a single moment of my day. It’s hard to believe a simple change of hair color could do this for me – but I’m grateful every day that it did.

little red

There is a tiny little street – an alley, really – in Trenton that might be my favorite street out there right now. Better than the college-favorite street in Palo Alto with the twinkle lights strung on every tree; better than the street in the town next to mine that is so steep I still like to take it a little too fast in the car; better even than the quaint little main street in North Jersey with the gazebo and the sandwich shop I always wanted to try. This street is different.

Bound by the New Jersey Department of Environmental Protection on one side and a creepy “historic” cemetery on the other, you’d think this street – alley – would be easily forgotten. Except for one thing: it has been like a time warp for me every single week of the summer. All you have to do is walk a tiny portion and you’ll kick up crunchy leaves sitting on the pavement and against the curb. Inhale and you’ll smell the crisp bite of autumn. Look around and you’ll see spicy brick walls, warped brown wood on the old abandoned garage, sun peeking through the trees leaving welcome patches of cool shade. On this street, in 90+ degree weather, it is fall.

This isn't the street I'm talking about, but we can pretend.

Every day when I walked down this street to my internship, it filled me with grand plans – much like the plans that always pop up when autumn is on my horizons. Fall is my favorite season, no doubt about it. It’s sort of like my January, the fresh start to my year. There’s just a standard set of events that happen for me each fall. I revamp my wardrobe, going “back to school” shopping for clothes with a new style and mood. I become a writing machine, drafting brand new worlds and scribbling ideas in my many notebooks pushed along by that light, easy feeling of inspiration inside me. I dream of cold mornings warmed by cinnamon tea and my favorite scarf…and my warm new hair color (red!), the most recent addition to this list of regulars. I’m generally a happier, more light-hearted, more giddy person in the fall than I am in any other season. It just clicks with me – I like to think we go together.

See...look how happy fall makes me!

But I can’t decide exactly why I love fall so much. I feel intoxicated by the smell; the cool air, cold rain drops and the chance to wear all my favorite pieces of clothing {boots, sweaters, scarves, fun hats} thrill me; I love how the world looks warm. Maybe it’s a combo of these things. What I do know for sure though is that nothing compares to the adrenaline I get at the start of a new school year. There are just so many new things to look forward to! New classes – this year, a healthy balance of film, writing, and my own little risks like Italian and Bioethics. New digs – actually, the same apartment, but with a brand new roommate and furnishings. New friends – at the end of last year, I met a lot of new people and got closer to a lot of acquaintances, so I’m excited to build on my relationships with them, learn more, and see what each brings to my college experience. New supplies – newly sharpened Ticonderogas, organized binders, neatly copied notes. New TV, new recipes, new places to explore, new lenses {I got a new camera so even normal things are more exciting when I see them through it}, new numbers even – I turn 21 at the end of September and am already planning what is sure to be an epic birthday celebration.

Another thing I am 100% sure about is that fall has been wonderful to me in my life, with only a few exceptions.  The only thing comparable to feeling the first hints of fall is the feeling I get inside when I hear brass instruments at Christmastime. But then, it doesn’t make me feel nostalgia: it makes me think of a past I never had and a future I see naturally coming for me, full of rich velvet dresses swirling at candle-lit cocktail parties, kisses under mistletoe, and chance meetings with John Cusack at Bloomingdale’s.

I spy a Lisa Frank lunch bag and backpack!

But fall – the smell of fall reminds me of all my favorite memories. Sparkly purple puppies on my Lisa Frank backpack, carrying heavy candy in my pillowcase on Halloween, standing in the middle of a pumpkin patch and the gritty feel of the pumpkin stem between my fingers, the way our new protractors in Strawbridge Elementary School’s math classes always smelled like celery. They all come flooding back. For some reason, the start of fall assures me, deep down, that amazing things are to come. It makes me feel excited, content. It makes me feel ready.

I am so, so ready for Fall 2010 – the first semester of my senior year – and all it has to offer. I know for sure it is going to be great.

two truths and a lie…revealed!

In my last entry, I was inspired by a common orientation get-to-know-you game called Two Truths and a Lie.  For the game, you sit in a circle and say three statements about yourself: two that are true and one that is false.  Then the other people in your group have to debate and figure out which was the lie.  It can usually teach you a lot about a person in a short amount of time, which is why it’s a go-to ice-breaker.  Now I’ll reveal which of mine {three statements that are completely relevant to life at Hopkins} were true and which was the lie!

1) I have never pulled an all-nighter.

TRUTH!  Just because we go to an academically-rigorous school like Hopkins doesn’t mean we have to run ourselves into the ground.  It’s true that I’ve been up late studying for exams or writing papers, but I have never once gone with 0 hours of sleep.  It’s actually become a moral rule for myself now: I refuse to force myself into my very first all-nighter.  I love my sleep and, as I get older, it becomes more and more a priority…sometimes even over homework assignments.  Really though, it’s all about time management and staying organized.  Even though I do my best work under pressure and am the best procrastinator you will ever meet, I’m learning to become even better at scheduling my work and getting it done with time left for fun and “me time.”  I rank academics and personal maintenance almost on the same level: at Hopkins, you sure won’t be happy if you slack off and slip academically, but you also won’t be happy if you don’t treat yourself well.

2) I have been on the roof of at least 3 buildings on campus.

Shaffer Hall

This is my lie.  I’ve been on a couple but not at least three…however, it is completely possible to actually do this!  People have been on the roof of Shaffer Hall, Latrobe Hall, Bloomberg, Charles Commons, Gilman Hall, etc.  Some of these events were actually campus-sponsored and allowed students to do a lot of really cool things, like stargaze on clear nights.  Other building-scaling events aren’t officially endorsed by Hopkins {and I guess I shouldn’t endorse them either}, but the adventure-seekers among us definitely find a way to make them happen.

3) I have broken a bone on the Hopkins campus.

True…sort of.  I’m not sure if I actually broke any bones during this accident, but I tripped up the marble stairs of the Breezeway back in sophomore year and was hobbling around for at least a month straight.  I could barely wiggle my toes and the muscles in my foot felt frozen…ouch!  I don’t think the stairs themselves are out to get us, but there are definitely precautions you should take so this doesn’t happen to you too.  So here’s a tip: don’t walk in flip flops when it’s raining {or the front flap of the shoe will definitely get caught on the stairs} or take the Breezeway stairs too fast.

So there you have it.  Did you guess right?  Either way, I think it’s always fun to pin-point three random facts {or lies} about yourself and make them more important than they seem.  Most of the time, it really is the little things that can make the biggest impression.  And plus, the combination of silly small moments and bigger life decisions is exactly what makes your college experience YOURS – no one will ever have that same combination.  It’s pretty cool.

two truths and a lie

When you come to Hopkins as an incoming freshman, you have an entire week of Orientation built into the school year.  It’s before any actual classes start, so you can spend all of your energy exploring campus and Baltimore, testing out extracurriculars, and getting to know your classmates.  Apparently, somewhere someone said that “get-to-know-you” games are a great time, so you will absolutely play your share of icebreaker games as part of this latter orientation activity – whether it be among your floor/house with your RA, on your own, at one of your club’s first meetings, or somewhere else.  Regardless of your stance on icebreakers, one of the “get-to-know” games you will inevitably end up playing – probably several times – is called Two Truths and a Lie.

Absolutely not relevant to this post, but there is my name under "Interns" on the Girls Life Magazine masthead!

Basically, it’s played exactly how it sounds: you sit in a circle and go one-by-one to each person.  They say two things that are true about them and one that is a lie.  They should be in any order and can be about anything, so long as they will help friends get to know them better.  After they’ve said their three statements, the people in the circle try to guess which of the three is the lie and which are the facts.

So, in the spirit of orientation and new social beginnings, I am going to do that here.  I’ll leave you two truths and a lie…and then come back later to tell you which are which!  Feel free to leave your own set of statements in the comments and reveal yours on my next post too, if you want to play along.

1) I have never pulled an all-nighter.

2) I have been on the roof of at least 3 buildings on campus.

3) I have broken a bone on the Hopkins campus.

Start guessing!

he’s tradin’ in his chevy for a cadillac-ac-nacac

I know I should probably give you all a breather before I blog again, but I figured it would be better to break this weekend down into two posts.  A lot is happening after all, considering TODAY IS MY 20TH BIRTHDAY WOOOOOO.  We were talking about this earlier – while turning 5 or 10 or 15 seems like a lot of years to a person, 20 years is actually a substantial amount of time in the grand scheme of things.  It’s kind of fun, in a way, to think that I’ve been alive that long!

But chatting about my birthday can come later.  Today, I bring photos from the NACAC 2009 National Conference.  This year, it was held in Baltimore, so we’ve had plenty of school counselors, private counselors, and college admissions counselors all over the city and, in the past few days, all over the Hopkins campus.  Today was actually the last day of the conference, so Mandy, Josh, Jessica and I headed downtown to the Baltimore Convention Center briiiiight and early with Daniel to give a presentation about managing an effective blogging program {we’ve had some experience}.  It went incredibly well and it was really great to speak with admissions counselors who were considering starting a social media outreach of their own.

And it was a prime opportunity to take some embarrassing photos.  Case in point:

hey now, hey now, my boyfriend’s back

Would it be weird to show up for Contemporary American Fiction in this outfit?

Ok ok, maybe a little.  But what about the boyfriend jeans with those teal heels and chunky necklace…minus the banana bathing suit?  Maybe?

Right now I’m taking a break {by blogging – kind of counter-intuitive} from writing an intern manual for the many future PR interns who will fill my shoes here.  This is my second-to-last day at Twinkle by Wenlan and I already am getting a sense of how much I’m going to miss it.

And I definitely will miss the “anything goes” fashion attitude of New York as well…which would let you wear a cut-out bathing suit, statement necklace, funky shoes, matchy denim, and trendy jeans without a question.  Maybe even with encouragement.

I’m going to miss that lots and lots and lots.

aaahh .. aaahh .. aahhhcchooo!

The entire Johns Hopkins student body is sick right now.

Now, that sounds farfetched — and, granted, is probably a little bit inaccurate — but honestly, every single person I know has complained at least once of a headache, coughed/sneezed messily in my presence, and/or have been couped up in their room with flu-like symptoms in the past two weeks.  People I pass while I’m walking to class are blowing their nose, coughing up a lung, or just look miserable in a way that only the combination of fever/stuffy nose/sore throat can create.  I myself had a 103 degree fever for a few days a week and a half ago {flu, I decided, since I basically couldn’t move because of the aches and couldn’t eat because of the sore throat} which turned into a nasty, painful sinus infection.  That is now holding on as a head-splitting headache and a really irritating cough.  I’m pretty sure I gave it to my roommate.

The only upside to being sick at Hopkins is the fact that you actually have an excuse to slack off a little.  It’s been a nice break, to be honest, to be able to lay in bed, watch a little more television than I should, get very little work done, and stay in my pajamas for most of the day.  It sort of sounds like me on a normal, healthy day .. except I certainly feel better about doing those things when I have a feverish forehead to back it up.

So, needless to say it’s fun here at Hopkins right now.  I’d end with “I wish you were here” .. because that IS my blog theme and all .. but, honestly, at the moment, I don’t.  Even if you’re the most hygenic person, even if you take Airborne religiously and vow to give up hand-shaking and hugging and “Hey, how ya doin’?” until this crazy epidemic passes, you’ll get it.  That’s one of the drawbacks to living in such close quarters with the same people you go to class with, study with, and hang out with — you pick up everything.

Let’s see, how can I spin this .. ok, wish you were here, with a box of Sudafed, a stack of magazines, and a chicken nugget Happy Meal to make me feel better.

That’s the food I crave when I’m sick, what can I say.  :)