Wish You Were Here

No. 97

“Look, furthermore, my anguish as I call it arises from the fact that people have changed so much, not only in the past five years, for God’s sake, or the past ten years…but in the past thirty years to such an extent that I don’t recognize them as people any more or recognize myself as a real member of something called the human race.” Jack Kerouac, Vanity of Duluoz

Graduation morning, with Gilman Hall in the background.

As Hopkins students, potential Hopkins students – even just as thinking people – our instinct is always to rationalize. What is going on right now? Where are we going? Why? What will we do when we get there? What will we get out of it?

These past four years have taught me lots of practical, academic things to satisfy all of those cravings. Even this blog has taught me to make sense of and tell stories about my life – good, bad. So yes, as you can imagine from Hopkins’ reputation, I learned a lot. But as I went into my last blog entry ever…I had no idea what to leave you with.

But I think I might not have to try so hard. Because the last four years have taught me, more importantly, to give up this logical nonsense and enjoy our greatest talent as people: being. Not just plain bump-on-a-log being, but whole-hearted, intense, adventurous and sensitive being. Being open to everything: sights, sounds, smells, risks, uncertainties, newness, hard work, learning, love, pain. Forgetting about the anxiety of change or the instinct to classify this experience as this, that person as that. I’ve learned not to be afraid of that uncertainty that Kerouac had to be feeling when he wrote those words up there, of not being able to understand what people are thinking or feeling or doing or wanting around you – and not being able to understand what you are feeling or wanting either. It’s scary to change and to feel everyone/everything changing around you, but it sure is freeing not to have to pin things down all the time.

Best friends on the Upper Quad after graduation.

Digression: I recently saw Midnight in Paris, the new Woody Allen movie in theaters. Without giving anything away, the moral of the story is pulling yourself out of nostalgic visions of the past and living fully, passionately, productively in the present. It’s not about seeing the whole picture and wishing you could be somewhere else more perfect than now: it’s about being in the now and embracing the snapshot you have of it. I know it’s tempting to put yourself in the past because it’s familiar, secure, easy to understand. For some reason, last night it was a simple little tradition that overwhelmed me: standing in Wolman Hall 504′s little kitchenette with my freshman year roommate and some friends, holding marshmallows on the tips of knives and forks and roasting them over the coils of our electric stove. It seemed like the golden age – we were so young, so happy. Everything seemed so good and felt so new.

And when you get out there on your own, you start to ask yourself: what will my traditions be? What will I leave behind? What little things will people remember about me when the plain stuff – hair color, apartment, perfume – falls away? What will my legacy be? Mine is that of a storyteller. I’m the one who always has her camera out, whether we’re doing something remarkable or not. I see life in a movie frame. I’m the hippie. I take risks and I’m probably a little embarrassing. I’m creative. I know too much about pop culture and trashy TV. I love an adventure. I procrastinate intensely and I really love chicken fingers.

Here's a tradition for you: "If you step on the seal, you won't graduate!" The night before graduation, Elizabeth, Adam, Kayla and I proved that this is a lie.

But none of that matters now. Now, I’m just a college grad who is twirling her hair because she is sleepy and dreaming of getting the job I interviewed for last week. And who will I be if I get it? The truth is, I don’t know where I’m going. I know bits and pieces of where I’d like to see myself in a month or in five, ten, fifteen years, but who knows what things I’ll do on my way. What will the future hold? The only thing I can guarantee, after all this rambling, is this: with every moment, I am going to be being 100%.

“What could be worse than getting to the end of your life and realizing you hadn’t lived it?” Edward Albee

Throughout high school and college, I’ve been constantly waiting for that time when I could do. When I could take all this education, and all these dreams, and all these ideas, and all this determination, and actually be what I’ve always wanted to be, or do the things I’ve always wanted to do. That time is now – and that waiting around for “life to begin,” as they say, ended when we threw our graduation caps high into the air.

And so we find ourselves, at the end of the road. Thank you, first, to Admissions_Mark, who read my application from New Jersey and admitted me to Hopkins. I don’t know what you were thinking, but I’m really glad you woke up on the right side of the bed that morning and gave me this incredible chance to do something extraordinary.

Next, to Michael Bloomberg. Thank you for being smart, generous, choosing to attend Hopkins as an undergrad, and having a lot of money. Without you and your scholarship, I definitely could not have gone to Hopkins at all. I hope I do many things in the future to make your investment worth it. If I have any say in things, I know I will.

Then, my parents. Thank you, first, for encouraging me to go to school in Baltimore, all alone two hours away from home. Thank you for not letting me come home during my first semester when I was miserably homesick. Thank you for putting up with my constant stubbornness. Thank you for buying me so many Beanie Babies, Pokemon cards, notebooks, NSync posters, and paperweights. Thank you for your hugs, your kisses, and your really tasty dinners. Dad, thank you for your clear skin, thirst for learning, and appreciation for art, history, and antique cars. Mom, thank you for sharing my love of board games and music, your optimism, and your (mostly) non-judgmental ear to listen whenever I need it. Thank you both for somehow making me believe I actually can do anything I set my mind to. And, though this is a little weird, thank you for my being an only child. Because Ashlee, Courtney, and I are all only children, we often wonder what we would’ve been like if we had brothers and sisters. We know we would be different – but sometimes we wondered, were we better or worse off being alone? I tend to think better. The truth is…sometimes I’m selfish. I wouldn’t want to share you with siblings. I want your attention, your pride, your love, your support, your concern, your encouragement. I don’t know what I would be without it and I appreciate it all more than you will ever know.

Mom and Dad on the freshman quad after graduation.

Thanks Admissions_Daniel, Roxi, Julia, and the rest of Hopkins Interactive 2007′s interview committee for allowing me to jump on board. To have had a hand in leaving Johns Hopkins with intelligent, motivated, excited students was so fun. And to have a virtual record of my four years in college on this blog is such a blessing.

Thank you, my readers. I’ve had close friends at Hopkins – juniors, sophomores, freshmen – who sheepishly admit years later they read my blog as prospective students. I’ll tell you a secret: as embarrassing as that is, I am so glad. I could’ve kept my own blog for myself I guess, but I never would have written it in such a clear, candid, introspective way if it wasn’t for an audience of prospective students and families out there. It’s been a pleasure to know you’re there and write for you for all these years. I’ll miss it. (And here, a shoutout to Mrs. Barnett, another loyal reader – though not a prospective student – and most likely my biggest fan who is not immediate family.)

Thanks, finally, to my friends. Thank you for making me feel valued and important. Thank you for making me realize that Hopkins really was my home – I just needed to work a little harder to turn an unfamiliar place into one. Thank you for being there with hugs, movies, and cookies when I needed you most. Thank you for smiling in the thousands of photos I took at college (Total posted on Facebook as of June 15^th: 5,268. I’m so sorry). Thank you, finally, for giving me stories to write about here every week. Some of my blogs were about solo adventures but, mostly, my blog has been about being able to build a family anywhere. I met exceptional people in my four years at Hopkins, and I am so happy to have them in my life forever.

HELLO, PJS. Where else would we celebrate being adults?

It’s hard to believe four years have come and gone at all. It’s weird to talk about it in the past tense now – “I met exceptional people,” “Hopkins was my home” – but it is just that. Hopkins is done. I will bleed blue jay blue until I die, but it’s not my place anymore. A new set of undergrads will take it over, make it their own, have adventures and make mistakes and study too much and stress over boys/jobs/money/Friday night plans, just like we did. But we’ll always feel like we were there first. Class of 2011 – my family. I salute you. And I’m beyond excited to continue trailblazing with you in our many grownup years ahead.

I usually sign my blogs with “Wish you were here,” but this is one instance when I don’t wish you were here. I wish you will end up there – your own home for four years, Hopkins or not, where you will establish yourself, challenge yourself, and learn more than you could have ever imagined about what it means not to know, but to live. I can only wish you good luck and tell you – coming out of all that and taking on the real world? It feels pretty damn good.

To Whom It May Concern

I tend to sign my job application emails with a few simple words: “I look forward to hearing from you soon.” I choose that phrase in particular because it’s simple, polite, and entirely open-ended. In effect, you can pretty much do what you want with it. But, when I say it (following that resume and cover letter I’ve spent tens of hours honing just to impress you), I really mean:

You’ve probably skimmed my cover letter and (hopefully) read my resume, but you’re not replying to my email just yet. That’s ok. I just want to remind you that you should follow up at some point because I’m sitting here with an anxious pang in my chest at the thought of May 27th, the day after I graduate. Personally, on May 27th I think I should have a job at your company. And here’s why.

Coloring outside the lines and thinking outside the box since 1989.

I pay “attention to detail.” I’m “self reliant” and “take initiative.” I have “prior experience” and “knowledge of the entertainment industry.” I am your job description.

I have faith in things, even making wishes. Totally a kid at heart.

I know my stuff. I know Avid and Final Cut Pro and Photo Shop and HTML and Microsoft Office and fax machines and copiers and telephones and Macs and PCs like the back of my hand, assuming I’m extremely familiar and incredibly proficient with the back of my hand. Managing people and money (in large quantities for each) is a piece o’ cake for me. Juggling multiple tasks and deadlines at once? No sweat. The confidence to speak up when I have an idea, objection, concern, etc.? If there’s one thing you should know about me…that won’t be a problem.

I rarely take myself too seriously.

I’m qualified, but I’m still humble. I might have felt invincible every day of high school, racking up A+’s and leadership titles and college recommendations, but the truth is that Hopkins reminded me I’m still a tiny part of a big, big world. Nothing better than to have the world’s best minds studying hard around me to make me realize I still have things to learn. Plenty of things. Most things, actually. But you can teach some of those to me (which should make you feel pretty good).

I'm capable of deep, contemplative thinking.

I like change. I never used to, but somewhere along the way I learned to roll with the punches. But I don’t just endure them – I crave them. Doing something different every single day? Forging across unknown territory? Taking the initiative to come up with my own ideas and solutions to get us through? Even the thought of it thrills me. In fact, not hearing from you right now even makes me a little excited. Twisted, I know. But having entirely zero plans for May 27th means that everything, everywhere is open to me.

I find inspiration everywhere. (That's a Warhol doll at the BMA gift shop.)

I’m cool (or try to be). I’m creative. I work hard, but I’m not work-obsessed. I laugh easy. Most importantly though, to this ideal job: I want you.

This career is it. I’ve tried everything I love – fashion, journalism, magazine, public relations, public service. But you, film production in all your glory, combine every passion of mine into one neat, stimulating, colorful, shiny package. You make me think and problem-solve. You let me splash around in my imagination’s palette – and you let me produce something out of it. You let me work in a team – the idea of a huge group of talented, interesting people working toward a common goal overwhelms me sometimes and really pleases me. You let me push myself and our culture towards something new. You let me multi-task and feel the rush of deadlines, of flying by the seat of your pants, of organized chaos. (You even let me boss people around sometimes.)

And, considering alone that I packed all that into one little sentence…I think you should give me a chance.

the grass is greener

“Happiness? The color of it must be spring green, impossible to describe until I see a just-hatched lizard sunning on a stone. That color, the glowing green lizard skin, repeats in every new leaf. ‘The force that through the green fuse drives the flower…’ Dylan Thomas wrote. ‘Fuse’ and ‘force’ are excellent word choices – the regenerative power of nature explodes in every week, stalk, branch. Working in the mild sun, I feel the green fuse of my body, too. Surges of energy, kaleidoscopic sunlight through the leaves, the soft breeze that makes me want to say the word “zephyr” – this mindless simplicity can be called happiness.”
– Bella Tuscany, Frances Mayes

——

I was never really an environmentally-conscious person. I recycle; every once in a while I bring my own reusable shopping bags to the supermarket; I walk everywhere (ok, that one is because I don’t have a car). But I’m not living a green lifestyle and I’ll be the first to admit it: I don’t cook organic, I don’t save energy by turning off the television and unplugging things, I don’t really advocate for… anything.

This summer though, I feel like I am being forced to care about the world around me. I blame it on my job – what began as a television production internship has turned into a full on environmental overload. I look at so many tapes of footage featuring the Raritan River, interviews with people about saving the river from the pollution and development it has already endured, interviews with other people about the effects of chemicals and industry on the environment, interviews with still other people about why rivers are so important to American culture. At this point, I love rivers. And I hate toxins, carcinogens, chemicals…and housing developments. Though I wasn’t too fond of those things before anyway.

Mike the cameraman, filming at a farm

Same goes for finally becoming conscious of organic markets, the personal stories of local farmers, and the importance of eating healthy, locally-grown food. To be honest, I always saw the organic/locally-grown trend as being an overpriced fad that wasn’t necessary – I knew I could survive off food from a supermarket and actually save money to put toward other things. But now, after spending time with local farmers and learning about their stories, I’m realizing how much work is put into growing crops and how much support they really need. They’re real people – great people – who have felt a connection with the land and who want to share that with others. I’m still not totally convinced, but I’m getting there. At the very least, I respect these people immensely for doing work that I could never do without expecting much of a monetary return. For most of them, the physical satisfaction and social aspect of selling produce to people at farmers markets is enough.

Toni and Steve, the owners of Busy Bee Farm

Since the farms/farmers markets/wineries project at NJN has been my most favorite so far, I’m mostly channeling this new interest in nature into my food (well, and constantly changing “nature” wallpapers on my phone). I’m spending time reading about Philly restaurants that use homegrown crops for their menus. I’m reading books about gardens, farms, and cooking – currently, I’m on Bella Tuscany by Frances Mayes (of Under the Tuscan Sun fame, of course), where I am not only learning about tending and working with precious crops in the rural hills of Cortona but also teaching myself Italian culinary vocabulary that will come in handy when I start studying it in the fall. Fagiollini (string beans), vigna (vineyard), tutte le direzioni (all directions – not food-related but I like the sentiment) … it all sounds so wonderful.

Lavender stalks drying in a greenhouse

My favorite part is the many, many recipes I’m rounding up, the star always being fresh vegetables and lean meats. My new roommate and I have grand plans for the dinner parties we’ll throw for our friends this fall, so I’m saving them all for that. That is what all of this nature-conscious stuff has taught me – how food, the land, the purest parts of our lives can bring us together as people. It’s remarkable how all of these things come together and become the heart of our culture. There’s a reason they say the best conversation happens at dinnertime, or that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. I’m sure some other people would argue with me, but I believe these things have the power to hold up against iPhones and other techy gadgets in that department.

Gorgeous butterfly that was following us around on this shoot

Obviously, I’m learning a lot about what it takes to produce shows for television (I’ve already been able to take part in research, pre-production, scouting, scheduling, filming, logging, writing, editing, and promotion). But I’m glad to feel like I’m experiencing lifestyle changes as well. I’m at a point in my life where I feel like I could go in so many directions – both literally and in terms of my character, career, and life plans – so trying out new things is at the top of my list. Moving on to greener pastures with my new “green” philosophy in mind – and my friends, with full bellies, by my side – sure sounds promising to me.

canned heat in my heels

Somehow, the first official week of summer has come to a close.  I have been home for just about a month now and, for some reason, spring feels as if it flew by and as if happened ages ago, all at the same time.  I blame that mostly on the fact that, for better or for worse, home and Hopkins are two very different worlds.  After finals ended at school, I spent my days waking up late, scrounging up food to cook from what was left over in my apartment, meeting friends to lay around aimlessly on the Beach or shop or explore, and then staying out late at night to squeeze every last drop of fun out of the semester.  It was bittersweet because many of my friends who were still hanging around campus were there to do a little thing called “graduate” this year, so each wonderful night was tinged with the reminder that we only had so many nights like it left.  I’ll admit I cried a little at graduation on May 27th – it was weird to think I would leave Baltimore that weekend and, when I returned, so many standard fixtures of Hopkins wouldn’t be there to greet me.

Me and Naomi, one of the many 2010 grads that I'm proud to call my friend!

And now I’m home.  Westmont is just how I left it last year – hot, humid, and as familiar as a town would be if you had lived there all your life.  As usual, I still wake up late most days of the week, but I think the pace is what’s most different.  It’s weird not to constantly go out to dinner, or live with a roommate, or stay up to greet the sunrise, or run around Baltimore accomplishing goals from our Hopkins Bucket Lists {frolicking in a fountain and hanging out on the rooftop of a campus building were two of our successes from the spring}.

Spending a day in the sun at Crystal Lake Pool

I do a lot of lazy things now: I watch copious amounts of The OC, lay around the pool all day, watch TV with family, prepare summer drinks and food to enjoy with friends while sitting around chatting, see lots of movies, etc.  It’s a great way to spend summer – but it sure is worlds away from life at Hopkins.  But even though I’m at home and enjoying some quiet time, that doesn’t mean I’m not doing my best to keep busy.

In fact, the thing taking up the majority of my time is an internship with the production department at the New Jersey Network, a public TV and radio network here in New Jersey.

The front of my building!

I work in Trenton, which is our state’s capital and only about an hour away from my house…which sure beats the 2.5+ hour commute I had to New York City last summer.  It’s also significantly cheaper to get to, which is a plus when you’re working for no pay.  Anyway, I’m doing all sorts of things as a production intern, but my tasks are focused around two major projects at the moment.   The first is a special on saving the Raritan River from pollution, toxic dumping, poor public health policies regarding its cleanup, and housing developments that prohibit public use of the river.  The second is a brand new series that focuses on local farms, farmers’ markets, wineries, and cheese culture in the state.

For the Raritan River project, we have over 100 tapes of footage shot and sitting on a rolly cart in the editing room {one of my favorite places in the whole office – it’s cooler in there and there are lots of buttons to press, which sounds silly but knowing what most of them actually do now is kind of exciting}.

One of our editing rooms! The newer HD editing room is right next door.

Each tape is at least a half hour long, but most likely even longer.  They include interviews with environmentalists, former state agency employees, chemists, public health specialists, and more.  And one of my jobs is to log each one – which basically means writing a full transcript of everything that is said and seen on tape, and at what time on the tape it can be found.  I learned to enjoy transcribing after getting to write up interviews at Girls’ Life, so I secretly love spending my office time this way.  But I get to do a lot more too!  I’ve done research for various projects and I’m learning about editing software too {they use Avid since they still edit from Beta tapes}, which is good because I could definitely be familiar with more than just Final Cut Pro.  I love being around all of the equipment too – the rooms used for editing, radio broadcast, television programming, and more are so fascinating to me and I could spend all day on the 4th floor watching the action go down.

As is typical for every single job I’ve ever had, I’m going to be working on the website to promote the fresh fruit/wine/cheese show as well.  I even get to sit in on production meetings, which cover all topics like the graphics used for the opening/previews/promos for shows, the shooting schedule, writing goals for each episode, and more.  And the most fun part is actually getting to be present and help out on shoots/interviews for this and other projects, whether in the field or in the studio.  The NJN News is filmed in my building every night too so I can sit in for that anytime I want as well.  It’s a great feeling to know I’m getting so much firsthand experience.

A photo from the Collingswood Farmers Market, which is a short walk away from my town and a featured market on the show.

But of course, you know me – I can’t be content only doing one thing at a time!  I’m fighting the temptation to be lazy all summer by spending my time writing three entries for the Hopkins CinemAddicts blog which will be posted in the fall, planning out a short film project I’ll be working on in September and October, having fun doing out-of-the-norm things with my friends, and figuring out the ways to be happiest my senior year {wardrobe and major hair revamps are in the works}.

I am also taking a fun trip at the end of July…but I’ll keep you in suspense on that one until I get back so I can post plenty of exciting photos!  After that, I’m aiming for my triumphant return to Baltimore to be around August 21 or so, just in time for Orientation week.  In the meantime, I am definitely following through on my goal for the season: check off every item on my Summer Bucket List in order to have 0 regrets come fall. {I mean, I even wrote an article about that for Girls’ Life Magazine – which you should all go out and buy to read it! Pretty please.}

Until I write again… wish you were here!

girl talk

My first day at Girls’ Life Magazine started, like any other first day at a new job, as kind of a mess.   When I woke up at 9:00, I looked in the mirror on my way to the bathroom – and found that my bangs were flipped straight out in the air.  I guess they were still a bit wet when I went to sleep, so pressing up against my pillow all night had set them into a funky sort of pompadour that doesn’t exactly scream “modern tweens.”  {Mine did not look as cool as that photo, I assure you.}

After stressing about my hair and my perfect “first day of work” outfit {like you’ve never spent a long time picking out your outfit for the first day of school – don’t lie}, I left my apartment around 9:45 and, I kid you not, hit every single red light on the way.  When I was about 3 minutes away, Argonne Drive ended up being almost completely blocked because of a house fire, which did not seem that serious from the road but apparently needed the firehouse’s entire stock of engines to get it under control.  I kept checking the time and getting even more nervous that I would be late – the steering wheel took quite a beating with my anxious taps.

But, somehow, I made it!  I checked in with Cait {the editor who hired me} and she took me on a grand tour of the place: I saw the conference area, beauty closet, fashion closet, everyone’s desks {though I forget a lot of their names already – luckily, they have huge sheets of paper decorated with their names above their computers}, the kitchen, the bathroom, etc.  I walked past the editor-in-chief – which is still kind of a “holy moly” moment for me, since I had read her editor’s letters for years when I was younger.  I also found a really cool light table that they rarely use for issues anymore and that I can really see in my apartment as an unconventional breakfast table.

My very first assignment with my new editor, Katie, was to brainstorm ideas for web articles in different areas, like their “Tressed Out” section that talks about how to follow hair fads and how to fix hair problems.  But this assignment – to brainstorm article ideas for 3 sections and a title for one section of the magazine – worried me as I got to it.  How long should a brainstorm take?  I don’t want to send it right away, because then I’d seem too eager and miss the chance to come up with some really good ideas.  But I also don’t want them to think that I take three hours to generate ideas when they would really like me to only take one.

But I came up with a pretty good balance as the day went on.  And the day itself actually went by fast, since Katie eventually asked me to write the articles for three of the ideas I came up with.  {Since then, I have gotten to brainstorm and write even more articles, plus I’ve learned how to become a moderator on the website – I will even get paid to moderate for four hours on Friday evenings after I leave work!}  I left a little after 5:00 with so much experience after just one day, lots of excitement for my second day, and a few things to remember:

• It is cold in there by the intern table.  My light stripey cardigan was not enough – next time, bring a sweater or sweatshirt so I don’t have to wear my winter coat the whole time.

• Wake up early enough to bring breakfast and lunch {and snacks} with me.  By 11:00 my stomach was growling.  Loudly.

• Green Day makes me much more uncomfortable than I once thought.  Do not sit on the Green Day poster side of the intern table.  Unfortunately, this poster is directly under the NSync at Madison Square Garden poster, which makes for quite the conundrum.  My heart still beats a little bit faster when I think of that concert {which, yes, I still have taped on a VHS} and Justin’s curly, curly blond hair.

• THIS IS COOL.  This mag was my Bible as a tween and now I’m part of it.  My name will even be on the masthead {the page at the front of the magazine that lists the names of all the editors, contributors, etc.}.  I like that.

• Terms like BFF {best friend forever}, BGF {best guy friend}, girlie, omg, crush, etc. are not ok to say in everyday conversation outside of the Girls’ Life walls.

• Lusting after the bags, shoes, and dresses in the fashion closet is totally ok.  But never pick one up and see how it would look on you, because you are going to have to put it back eventually and then you will be sad.  Two words: separation anxiety.

• My fellow interns: Meghan, Molly, Lizzie, and Gabby.  Check!

Now, I get so excited the night before coming into work.  When my second day on Friday was over, I was actually bummed that I wouldn’t get to come back until Wednesday again.  But luckily, the weekend went by quickly – I’ll be back to the office again tomorrow!

here’s to tomorrow

Greetings from a new year, a new decade, and a new day of Intersession 2010!  Now, to the first order of business in every new year of blogging: resolutions.

I’m a traditionalist in most senses, so I’m not the type to shrug off New Year resolutions.  Most of them obviously end up broken in the long run {Remember the time I vowed to work out regularly? Ha.}, but there is something refreshing about a serious self-evaluation and setting some real goals.  And really, the idea can be a great stepping stone to change if used appropriately: even though December 31 and January 1 don’t ever really feel different, sometimes that theoretical “fresh start” is just what people need to feel like they can actually, really, truly leave the garbage behind and do something different.

But going into New Years Eve, I had no idea what I wanted my resolution to be.  I mean, there were the obvious things:  Lose weight.  No more soda.  Stop procrastinating.  No more jealousy.  Throw more dinner parties.  Et cetera.  But those are always so easily broken and, by extension, really easily disheartening.  And it is a permanent New Years resolution of mine to always treat myself better – so that means impossible goals are a no-no.

It took me a few days {ok, a week}, but I finally decided on a deceptively simple-sounding resolution: stay hungry.  Sounds inspirational, right?  And very vague.  Basically, what I meant was not just picking one aspect of myself to make better for the time being, but to focus on the whole me and stay motivated to make general, long-term, long-lasting improvements.  Just as an example, I’ve been in quite a fashion rut lately.  It sounds superficial, but fashion is the one way in which I know I can express who I am as a person.  By not knowing what to wear and how to wear it, I’m having a subtle personality crisis.  To apply my resolution here, though, I’m not going to panic – I’m going to stay motivated and find a way to express myself.  I’m going to crave the perfect wardrobe, to send the perfect message about who I am and what I am like, and I’m not going to get discouraged while I seek it out.

Now that junior year is half over, I am thinking even harder about life-after-graduation.  I don’t know what I want to do or where I want to be.  I know some things that I like and I know some places that get me excited, but do I really want to spend my life there?  But I’m telling myself not to worry – to pick one, work as hard as I possibly can, and see how it feels.  I’m young and I have plenty of time to work my way up to a job that has everything I want, so right now I need to enjoy every minute and do as much as I can with the opportunities I have.  And besides – I think my goal, to put it more plainly, is to never be satisfied.  Once you’re happy and satisfied, you allow yourself to get comfortable – and then you stop trying.  I never want to stop trying, when it comes to anything.  I never want to be bored.

And so, my readers, stay hungry in 2010.  Whatever your resolutions, vow to navigate the year passionately and take off boldly towards what you really want.  Today, I simply want to enjoy a free day of Intersession and possibly take a walk in the snow – and I wish you were here to do it with me!

welcome to the working week

I give interviews for Admissions and one of the questions I always get is about the opportunities here.  Prospective students always want to know: How easy is it to get internships?  How many resources are available for finding these jobs?  Is it worth spending the time off campus?  I answer that almost everyone I know has had at least one fantastic internship experience and that, depending on where you’re looking, professors and organizations are normally very eager to take on college students to teach them the ropes.  It’s easy – but it definitely takes effort on your part to seek them out.

Though no matter how many times I say that, my friends still always marvel over how easily I seem to  get internships.  They always rag on me about how padded my resume must be and how much I must schmooze during my interviews, for me to be as lucky as I’ve been in the job department.  The process must look like this on the outside: I send my resume, I get called for an interview, I get offered the internship almost immediately, I start working and I fall in love with it.  And really, it’s true that I’ve been blessed to be able to work in Media Relations at the National Aquarium and in Public Relations at Twinkle – but what my friends and the students I interview can’t possibly see is all the behind-the-scenes work that goes into it.  So, in an effort to shed some light on how this whole “internship” thing really works, I’m going to walk you through the process through which I got my next internship, an editorial job with Girls’ Life Magazine for Spring 2010.

Step One is the search.  This part, I think, is the part of the process that varies the most from person to person.  For me, it consists of a little bit of everything: word of mouth, seeking out specific institutions {like I did for the Aquarium job}, actual job/internship search engines, special blogs dedicated to a particular field {like I did for Twinkle}, and random Google searches for the field/type of company I’m looking for.  Some people also make use of professor recommendations and the Career Center.  For me, this particular search was a little unconventional since Girls’ Life used to practically be my Bible as a tween.  I knew that their national office was in Baltimore when I was coming to Hopkins, so I think it has always been on my “College To Do” list to see if I could work there.

Step Two is applying.  Once you find an internship that interests you and you have contact information {either an email address or post address}, you need an up-to-date resume and a cover letter.  Depending on the internship, they’ll ask for more – writing samples, responses to short answer questions {usually can be addressed in your cover letter though}, references, etc. but those things are crucial.  Basically, you have about a 5 second glance to sell yourself to these people, so your resume should have key internships/jobs that you have had and any relevant involvement on campus {especially if you’ve held a leadership role} with brief descriptions, plus information about your education.  Your cover letter should talk about why you’re interested in the position, what kind of skills you could bring to it, and what you hope to get out of it.  It kind of sounds like bragging sometimes, but you can’t be afraid to gush about yourself – if you
don’t sound confident about your abilities, why would they be confident enough in them to hire you?

Right now, I think it’s important to note that a lot of my internship journeys end on the bridge between Step Two and Step Three.  One thing that my teasing friends don’t see is all of the emails I sent out that don’t get a reply at all.  You can’t ever accuse me of not aiming for the stars – I set the bar really high for myself and, sometimes, I probably overdo Step Two a bit.  But, as bad as I am at making them, I love having choices and I would much rather apply to too many and get rejected/ignored than always wonder, “What if I had sent an email to X company?”

Anyway, on to Step Three: the interview.  I’ve had both phone interviews and in-person interviews, and they all go differently depending on the person you’re speaking with.  All of the interviews I’ve had have been a good balance between formal and informal – you’re allowed to be friendly and warm, but at the same time you need to appear professional and responsible.  They typically ask you questions about your background of work, what you’re looking to learn/do on the job, why you would be a good candidate, what career goals you have for the future, and some tough “test” questions that are relevant to the field.  As an example, one of my questions in my GL interview was about pitching ideas at a staff meeting – and I completely bombed it.  But I know that’s a skill that I will learn, and it’s a good lesson too, that one question generally won’t make or break an interview.  And it also proves that it is worth taking your time, thinking about your answers, and giving good responses – it isn’t a race to answer them!

Step Four is the offer.  It is a fantastic feeling to get the phone call/email offering you the job!  After you let yourself be excited for a little bit {you’ve earned it}, you need to respond to the offer – which can be hard if you have a decision to make.  Last summer, I was offered an editorial internship at an art magazine in Brooklyn and my PR job at Twinkle.  It was so hard to decide between them because they were both so different and yet I knew I would be really satisfied at either of them.  It ultimately came down to the fact that Twinkle would be an easier commute and that I had a
childhood dream of working in the fashion industry – and, luckily, I will still be able to get experience in the magazine industry with my job at GL.  That just goes to show you that choosing one over the other rarely means completely shutting the door on an opportunity forever!

Then, once you accept the offer, you need to plan your schedule to work with the job.  This isn’t really a challenge in the summer, but during the school year it’s smart to register for classes in a way so that you have at least two full days free – which can get challenging at times, especially when you have required classes that you have to take {but I’ve done it twice – it’s possible!}.  And then there’s the task of convincing your family that an unpaid internship will help you out in the future…and that process is different for everyone, too.

Step Five is, arguably, the least stressful part of all – the preparation.  I definitely don’t have enough money in my bank account for this step to really be a necessity but, for some reason, a new job always requires some new pieces of clothing to be added to my wardrobe.  This year, my new clothes have come in the form of Christmas presents from my parents: a new pair of boots, some new pairs of jeans {proper attire, depending on the company and what you pair them with}, etc.  When you’re in a new environment and need to make a good impression, sometimes looking the part will make you much more confident to actually be the part.

And Step Six is the first day.  I’ve already written a short blog entry about my first day at Twinkle – but you’ll all just have to stay tuned for a report on my first day at Girls’ Life!

P.S.
Let’s all just take a minute to enjoy this trailer for the movie Nine, which is coming out on Christmas.  If you know anything about me, you know I’m pretty much the ideal Fellini fan.  I love excess and luxury, the baroque, richness, men in suits, sleek cars, daydreaming, Italy, spontaneous singing and dancing, people living their lives in possibly-destructive-yet-completely-fulfilling ways, charming confusion.  I love romance.  And, since Nine is based off a musical which was based off the Fellini film 8 1/2, I will love that too.

peace, love & beautiful clothes

With my last blog, I promised I would write next about everything I’ve been doing at my summer internship.  But now, looking back at the past few months with only two weeks of work left, I’m realizing that it’s hard to even figure out how to shrink what I’ve done into the length of a blog post.  From the very start, I was forced to dive in head-first and take on every responsibility of a person in fashion Public Relations.  There was very little time for me to “get a feel” for the job, or to observe, or to rely on other people for help, because Twinkle by Wenlan has no outside PR firm to represent it: the PR interns handle basically all of the PR jobs. There was one major intern there on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays; and, starting my second week, I was the major intern there on Thursdays and Fridays.  At first, the responsibility was terrifying, but I learned so much so fast and I quickly became almost 100% comfortable at doing my job.  There are still days when I’ll have to do something I’ve never done before and I get a little uneasy, but the great part about it is I know I’m learning something important that I’m going to use again.  In a nutshell, here’s what I do at my job:

* Samples
The most important part of our job is making sure that our clothes go out to the people who will advertise them.  This is most often magazines {Cookie, Elle, Marie Claire,  InStyle, WWD, etc.} and celebrity stylists, who call or email asking either for specific Twinkle pieces, or for pieces that we think will fit the theme of an upcoming photoshoot/event.  They won’t always use our stuff just because we send it, but it’s so much fun to see a piece in a magazine or on a celebrity and know that I SENT THAT. {That’s Zooey Deschanel in a skirt that I HAND-PICKED AND SENT TO HER.} The organized part of this job comes in checking the items in and out.  When we send something out, we have to make sure they’re packaged correctly, fill out an invoice, add it to the “Out Samples” binder, address the parcel, and call for a messenger if the people we’re sending it to haven’t already.  When we get a delivery in, we have to check in the pieces from their invoice in the Out binder, make sure they’re tagged and still in good shape, return them to wooden hangers, and put them in the right place in the showroom.  Sometimes we also have to bully people a bit with emails and phone calls so that we make sure we get our pieces back – sometimes they stay out for a REALLY long time.  The turnaround has to be fast though, so that we can send them off to other people who want them.

* Press
Another important part of our job is keeping track of the times when our clothes are worn, when our clothes are featured, and when there is a report or article about us.  We have a whole procedure: we have to scan them, format them to fit the template so they all look the same, print out copies for our Press binder, and send them to the girl in charge of our web updates so they can be added to the Press section of our website.

* Website
I write the Twinkle website updates, which are done once a month.  This includes a Newsletter, the News & Events, gathering 3-5 new blog entries, and creating the new month’s Favorite Things feature, which typically includes a Movie, Restaurant, Activity, Art Event, and Book recommendation.  But since I’m a Writing Seminars major, this part comes easily to me…and can get to be a lot of fun!

* Facebook
I created the Twinkle by Wenlan Facebook page in my time at the company, and make sure to update it completely each month with the website updates.  I also upload photos from the newest collections, a Look of the Month, and any recent photos of celebrities wearing our clothes.  And we have 110+ fans right now, woohoo!!

* Book Launch
Wenlan is releasing a new book shortly called Twinkle Sews, which is geared towards experienced sewing fans looking for new style and pattern ideas.  For this project, we brainstormed ideas about how to make the launch party special and worked closely with Random House to make sure the right book editors received advance copies/copies direct from our publisher.  But the biggest project related to this was a complete revamp of our contact list, which reminded me of my days back at the Aquarium.  We had to check to make sure we had the current people in each position at each magazine/newspaper, with their right email address and mailing address.  And we had to combine every single specialized contact list we had in order to create a master list.  This was a hugely tedious project but I was so glad to get it done!

* Presentations
I wrote a blog entry about our Holiday/Resort Presentation on the Twinkle website, so you can read that if you’re interested right here!  In addition to that, I got to help with an accessories trade show that we’re taking part in.  I organized a truck delivery from our office to the convention center to take mannequins, clothing racks, jewelry, look books, line sheets, etc. and then helped set up our booth once we were at the center.  The picture is of Wenlan herself while we were waiting for stuff to be delivered from our showroom!

* Fashion Show

While everything I’ve done was fun, some parts felt downright indulgent.  I think I’ve mentioned that this job came with a generous clothing allowance – $500 per every 80 hours I worked.  So far, I’ve spent that on two dresses and a necklace {I can’t post a photo of one of the dresses because it’s from our Resort collection and those photos aren’t publically available yet, but the other two things are above}.  Even though it’s technically “free” money, I have agonized over my choices and I’m really excited to get the dresses when they are delivered later this year.  By the end of my time working, I’ll probably even have enough hours for another dress/blouse/pant/SOMETHING, so now I’m brainstorming about what I could get as my last piece.

This past week, I also got to go to the taping of a public service announcement for Vogue’s Fashion’s Night Out campaign, where I got a cool, albeit kind of large, free t-shirt and got to be friendly with a lot of girls and guys who are just like me.  {Photos are of the interns – Stacey, Ellie, me, Janet, and Polly – getting ready to leave and the crowd on 39th Street.}  I met a girl interning for Isaac Mizrahi who was from Minnesota, a guy from Betsey Johnson who had the most fabulous blazer, a girl walking by who was a senior in a New York high school just waiting for her chance to jump into the industry, and became even closer with my fellow Twinkle interns, who come from places like Korea, Taiwan, and the University of Delaware.

I especially love times like these, when I realize how influential the fashion industry really is.  The work we do in New York City touches everyone from everywhere.  It’s a remarkable feeling to be a small part in something so huge.  It makes me feel like my own role is huge, important, essential.  And who doesn’t like to feel like the work they’re doing means a lot to someone?

fashioning myself a career

Ever since I was little, I’ve loved two things: reading/writing {hence the Writing Seminars major} and fashion.  I always wanted to look my best, wear things that my friends weren’t wearing, shop for new things.  When I played with my friends, I wanted us to play “fashion designer” over and over and over again – we would draw collections of clothes and accessories, put them in our “portfolios,” and have our portfolios approved by the “boss” {one of my friends took this role every time – she liked to be the leader}.  To my friends, this game was just like playing house or cards or dress up – it was a way to pass the time.  But this was the game I enjoyed most and, even at eight years old, I always put 100% of myself into my designs.

{some of my designs through the ages – lol}

So I thought, at first, I wanted to be a fashion designer … which turned out to be a dream I abandoned after deciding that I had very little consistent artistic talent.  Then, I thought working in magazines would be perfect.  I love reading magazines, so by working in the industry I would be able to deliver the best of fashion and culture to hungry readers … and make people like myself very happy.  And that’s still an option that appeals to me, but I still have yet to test out that field because, when I got my internship at the National Aquarium and worked in Media Relations, I realized that I adore working with the media – not necessarily for them.

But like I said, I still live for fashion.  There aren’t a whole heck of a lot of opportunities in Baltimore in the fashion industry though, so I started looking for summer internships in New York City as soon as I rang in the new year. Since I already had a foot in the door of media and public relations {and have quite a lot of extracurricular activity experience that can be applied to that field}, I looked through tons of fashion job listing websites that I’ve bookmarked over the years and I applied to every independent fashion house where I found an opening in PR.

And luckily, even with my limited experience, I got one. I’ll talk more about exactly what I’m doing at Twinkle in a later blog, but for now I’ll point you to my first blog for their website and just let you know that I am having a phenomenal time.

I was so relieved when I got this internship, but now especially I realize how truly lucky I am.  Compared to other people in the fashion industry, I have very little experience.  I’m the youngest person working at the entire company.  And it didn’t hurt that the intern hiring me graduated from Hopkins a while back herself – while I know that I did earn this internship with good academic performance, interview skills, and work experience, I highly doubt I would’ve gotten it if I didn’t stand out from other applicants in that way.  So I’m more than grateful that all these variables worked in my favor.

Being the youngest at the company feels like a great compliment to me.  But it’s scary at the same time, to see the other interns who have already graduated from college and who are – in my mind – already part of the “real world” but working for no pay just like me.  It makes me nervous to think that I might end up being just like them.  I might not be setting myself up for a paying job right out of school, and by extension I might not setting myself up for a house, or a consistent career, or enough financial stability to have a family until much later than I’d like.

But, while my fellow interns have graduated and are trying to snag a paying job, I still have two years of college left … and I keep reminding myself that, right now, we’re on the same level in the industry.  It sounds awful for me to compare myself to them in this way, but I guess I’m trying to convince myself that I’m two years ahead of the game.  If I have this job now, maybe I’ll have better ones in the future.  By the time I graduate, maybe I’ll have quite a bit more experience over the other people competing for PR jobs.  Maybe not, but it makes me feel a lot more confident to consider this internship as a critical stepping stone to the rest of my life … and it makes me feel a lot more grateful every single day that a place in the fashion industry is finally mine.

why it’s good to try sometimes

As I’ve mentioned a bunch of times, this semester I’ve had an internship at the National Aquarium in Baltimore working as one of two interns {the other is a senior at Towson University} for their Media Relations/Publications department.  I go downtown every Wednesday and Friday for 5 hours, and I absolutely LOVE having the opportunity to have an internship in a city like Baltimore!  Rather than bore you with a long-winded explanation {I’m really good at those}, I’ll break it up into major points for a change.  So here’s why!

Working at a Landmark.

The National Aquarium is the most visited place in the entire state of Maryland. Isn’t that cool?  So getting to work there means that I get to affect a LOT of people with every hour of work that I do.  In particular, I realize how important Media Relations is to the whole process: these people wouldn’t necessarily know about all of our special events, membership deals, new exhibits, partnerships, etc. if my department wasn’t there to get the word out.  When I go to work every day, it’s just really neat to know that I’m doing something legit — something big, something that is appreciated, something that has a real purpose and real results.

Kiddies!
It’s no secret that I love being around kids.  You can imagine that living on a college campus doesn’t
exactly expose you to a lot of families on a regular basis, but being at the Aquarium makes me so happy: there are class trips and families visiting all the time, always having a great time.  But what I love even more is being able to have a part in one of those really great childhood experiences, the kind that a child will remember for a long time to come.  Sometimes I get the chance to walk around the different levels of the exhibits or sit in the stands at the dolphin show, and I love just watching the kids’ faces.  They’re seeing something that they’ve never seen before — what life looks like underwater — and they are in complete awe of it.  They’re smiling and learning and creating memories … and it makes me feel so fulfilled knowing that I have a small part in the system that makes this possible for them.

Feeling more like an actual Baltimore citizen/getting off campus.
The great thing about the Hopkins campus is that it’s basically a bubble: we’re in Baltimore city, but there are no city roads running through campus {and we’re in one of the nicest parts of the city at that}.  The bad thing about the Hopkins campus is the same thing: sure we live in Baltimore, but you do have to make an effort to LIVE Baltimore.  We have everything we could really ever need in our little Charles Village haven; but to really experience the city, you have to go beyond that.  My internship gives me a weekly reason to do so!  I also take the MTA bus every
day to and from Inner Harbor, and it’s given me such a sense of belonging.  I’m learning the way the streets of the city are mapped out, I’m learning how public transportation here works, and I’m connecting with other people who live here.  I guess it’s kind of silly that it takes a bus ride to make me feel this way, but it’s true — I feel like I belong here now.  I’m finally not a tourist and not just a college student…I’m a part of this city.  {That’s the building that I work in…it’s right across the street from the main Aquarium building!}

Getting a break.
Let’s face it — school is hard sometimes.  Classes get boring, the daily routine gets monotonous and dull.  Even though I’ll admit that you shouldn’t look at it this way, having an internship is a fantastic break in the week.  I’m doing something that is a lot less pressure {mostly because it’s like real life — I go to work, do my work, and go home without bringing any of that “baggage” home with me … a.k.a. no homework!} and that has such a level of real-world interest.  I’ve already said how I love my classes so it isn’t anything against Hopkins…it’s just a great change of pace from what I’m used to.

Knowing that I actually have legitimate experience now.

When I applied to this internship, I didn’t think I was going to get it.  I had never in my life had an internship before, and had never held a job that related to the career that I hope to pursue. Now, I have real experience — I’ve created media lists, reached out to media contacts, written full press releases, sat in during planning meetings, written new blog entries {which, ok, I kind of had experience with before}, updated online calendar sources with our schedule of events, and spent time in a professional environment.

I’m writing this entry from home on my first night of spring break, most of which will be spent applying
to summer Public Relations internships at magazines in New York City and Philadelphia.  My dream is to have either an editioral or fashion job at a known magazine in New York, so I think continuing along in this Media/Public Relations vein is a good way to get into the business and get even more experience before trying to break into “the big leagues.”  I’m still convinced that I’m not going to get any of the internships I apply for {and that the people reviewing them are going to laugh at my resume/cover letter when they receive them}, but it’s nice knowing that I have real, honest-to-goodness, respectable experience to show them.  It makes me feel a little bit less anxious about them — and it makes me genuinely believe that my dream isn’t as crazy as it once seemed.

So, it’s 2 am in New Jersey and I’m exhausted from a late night last night and travelling today.  I have lots of spring semester recapping to do in my next blog entry but, til then, wish you were here!!