Food that I mindlessly make at work

It’s funny how the most random things can cause you to reflect. It doesn’t even have to be anything special, it can be anything. It’s like a crystal ball in a sense. What’s mine, you ask? A frylator.

Yesterday at work, I caught myself staring into the oil of the frylator, wondering what I was doing with my life. I wasn’t really wondering what I was doing at the moment; I knew that the onion rings needed to be fried at 350ยบ

for approximately 3 minutes. However, I was wondering what was happening in the big picture. I guess this all began when my advisor asked what I planned to do after college. I never really thought about what I’d be doing after Hopkins. But the more I think about it, the more scared I get. I’m not really scared about not having anything to do, but rather, I’m scared of not knowing what I’m going to do. I’m scared of the unknown I guess, similar to how people are scared of darkness. If there’s no frame to think in, the mind starts to wander and imagine, sometimes in ways you would prefer it not to.

But back to the point. I don’t know what I want to do after college. I know a lot of my friends who are Mechanical Engineers planned on going to grad school after college. I never even considered this until now, and the prospect of it just stresses me out. Honestly, I don’t think I can handle grad school, at least not right after Hopkins. If I ever say I never get stressed out at Hopkins, that’s a blatent lie; I get stressed out almost every other day. I think I’d be too stressed to jump right into grad school. This isn’t the case with everyone though, but it’s my case. I’d prefer to enjoy my life a bit after college.

This also stems from my life in high school, and applying to schools. I had fun in high school, but I really didn’t enjoy it; I was too busy. As most of you applying to Hopkins and similar schools have realized, you need to devote a lot of time. I never really learned how to stop though. I learned how to push myself past my limits, and how to go above and beyond. But, I never learned how to just put on the cruise control and just go along for the ride. Hell, I can’t even use the cruise control in my car! I always need to know where I’m going, or what I’m aiming for.

My best friends mom actually sent this to me online when I was really stressed out this semester. Love her.

I guess that’s why I never really considered grad school after Hopkins. I always thought I would just get a job, and live my life. Sure, there’s a lot of options to branch out from there, but still, it’s the general idea I had. But the fact that I need to decide on what I want to do scares me. It’s not like there’s a reset button or I have an extra life; I have to live with my decision in the long run. It’s scary, and I’m not sure I’m ready to face the unknown. I know all will be right in the long run, or at least I keep telling myself that.

So, I’ve come to a conclusion in my life. I need to stop worrying. There’s a difference between caring and worrying. Caring is when you honestly care what happens because of what the outcome may be and how it will affect your life. Worrying, on the other hand, is obsessing over something that really might not be in your control at all. You just obsess and obsess, until you become stressed out, and then ultimately don’t perform the best you can. I need to learn to stop worrying, and realize that everything will be all right. Worrying about it won’t change anything.

Oh, and the reason for posting this to my blog here on Hopkins Interactive? I want you readers to do the same thing. I see far too many prospective and current students worrying too much, often worse than I am. Just stop, take a deep breath, and let someone else take the wheel. You’ll see everything from a different viewpoint, and might realize you’ve been missing something that you’ve been looking for all along.