Caught in Between

So it’s New Year’s Eve and as usual I am amazed by how fast time has passed. Coping with my grandfather’s death was not how I hoped to end 2008, but I have been beginning to get my self back on track for the start of a new year. I have been able to enjoy my Christmas at home, spend time with friends, and just yesterday I went on an adventure with my boyfriend to relive my childhood at the New York Botanical Garden and the Bronx Zoo. And today I was finally able to start looking ahead. I made a list of textbooks that I need to buy for next semester (a long, long list) and started planning my work schedule for next month. Most importantly, I need to get through my remaining work from my classes from last semester, so I have also been planning how to best deal with that (even with my recent procrastination). I am actually looking forward to having the MSE library to go to, because my house has been anything but studying conducive.

Most importantly, I am beyond excited for next semester. Today, I finally started to get motivated to finish my “leftover” work knowing that once I finish that I can start getting psyched about spring semester. I absolutely loved my spring semester last year. And with that I give you my top five reasons why I am looking forward to Spring Semester 2009.

1. Planning–In 2.5 weeks I plan  to start deciding what I want to do in the summer.  A couple of months ago I began making a list of internships I’m interested in applying to. My first priority is finishing my “leftover” work, but I can’t wait for the less work-packed first couple of weeks of the semester to get excited about the opportunities I will be applying to. This semester I also plan to visit the study abroad office and financial aid office to begin to plan my study abroad semester next school year. I can’t wait to finally pick a country (let alone a continent).

2. My Birthday–In February I will turn 20…this seems crazy to me. The years from 16-19 all sound the same to me. After all, they are all the “upper” teenage years. Nevertheless, I love my birthday…and this year I plan to have a pinata! I will admit that last year I was a little sad not to be celebrating my birthday at home in New Jersey, but after having such a good birthday last year, I am now psyched to spend it again in Baltimore. (Unlike many people, I also LOVE Valentine’s Day, so I am excited for that celebration too!)

3. Spring Fair–Last year, I remember walking out of Building A and being amazed by the overnight transformation that the freshman quad had gone through in preparation for Spring Fair. I loved being surrounded by so many people on-campus during the weekend at Hopkins, so I can’t wait to enjoy this again!

4. Lacrosse–I have heard complaints in the past about how Hopkins only has one “major” sport. I personally love not feeling compelled to go to “big” sports events every season and like that I don’t have to camp out or put my name in a lottery to get sports tickets. Not many schools are like ours–many schools are entirely D2 or D3 or entirely D1. At Hopkins, lacrosse is D1, creating a blend of the two worlds. I am excited to sit in the Hopkins cheer area–”The Nest”–and root for my fellow Blue Jays!

5. Feeling hot, hot, hot–It’s been great to room with JHU_Lauren (and stay tuned for our cribs video coming next month). However, one major difference between Lauren and me is our favorite season and weather. Lauren loves the winter weather and breathing in the first crisp air of winter. However, I am so excited for spring semester knowing that it will only get warmer (well, after February it will). I love seeing people outside on the “Beach” and being able to enjoy my time outdoors. In September I get sad knowing that there are only a few more warm days left in the semester, however, in the spring, I know that there will be more!

Because I am learning towards studying abroad in the spring next year and graduating a semester early, this may be my last spring semester at Homewood. Because of this, I want to make the most of it! As you can see, I am already excited for what Spring 2009 has in store for me!

And with that, I hope all of you have a happy New Year!

PS Roxi, I heard a rumor that you are planning to make one last trip to Homewood before you go abroad to Chile. Is this true?!

PPS Thank you to everyone who commented my last blog; I definitely appreciated them.

Part I: Putting Family Before Academics

Last time I wrote I was on my own personal hibernation at the comforts of home. Unfortunately, the three weeks that I was preparing for have ended up being more stressful than expected, and much more stressful t han my extended weekend of hibernation could prepare for me. One thing that is great about college is that things are expected to be stable. You follow life by a pl anner and while you keep busy, there is rarely a day that doesn’t go as planned. I must say that writing this blog is not going to be easy. And although it may be hard for me to write, I think that it will speak well of Hopkins overall.

Last Friday, I found out that one of my closest relatives, my grandfather, would only have a few days left to live. For months I had known that his rare type of prostate  cancer was taking over his body, but until I heard those words on Friday it hadn’t hit me. My grandfather to me has always seemed unstoppable.

It was just a couple of summers ago that he dug his own swimming pool hole in his backyard in Hawaii and built a brick wall in my backyard. And it was just a couple summers before that that we had hiked up and biked up a local mountain in California. He had been my father away from home for those summers. And it was just in 2005 that he chaperoned me on a two-week adventure in Cambodia.

Most importantly, he has been the closest person to a genius that I have ever known. He has taught me how powerful intelligence can be and how admirable being an intellectual can be. I will never forget the story he told me about the time he was on an airplane doing a crossword puzzle without a writing utensil and the person sitting next to him looked at him as if he was out of his mind and said, “Do you need a pencil?” He declined the offer, he was too good for pencils…he was doing the crossword in his head! I love him. I told him in middle school that if I ever had children, I would name a child after him. I still stand by that word even more now. He has even inspired me to start learning about one of his loves, Japan, next semester.

I am beyond fortunate to have spent so much time with a relative that has always  been thousands of miles away. Nevertheless, there are some things that even the strongest cannot fight off.

And sometimes even the strongest people we know, the people that have followed the public health methods that the experts promote and received the best high tech treatments aren’t able to win the battle against cancer. That night I cried thinking that I wouldn’t be able to see my grandfather for one last time. He has been my inspiration and I knew that if I didn’t get to be around family there would be no way I could get through my school work. So realizing that I didn’t want to have this regret, I called my father (the avid traveler), threw my books in my backpack with a day’s worth of clothing, and hopped on a plane.

Once I got to California I was suddenly comforted by more relatives than I saw just the weekend before in New Jersey. I saw my grandfather the very next day. I was greeted to him sitting up in a wheelchair holding a picture of me and drinking my favorite juice, cranberry raspberry. Supposedly he hadn’t gotten out of bed the entire day before, so that he made this effort is beyond admirable. Although, I didn’t get much time to see him or talk to him, I was glad that he recognized me and was able to small talk.

I spent most of my time with my grandmother who gave me a tour of her new senior home and let me meet her friends. My grandmother was happy that I was there, but worried that I wouldn’t be able to get through my school work. And, of course, I ended up getting less work done than I had hoped for.

Telling my grandfather that I had to leave for the airport and hearing the words, “That’s terrible, but justifiable,” wasn’t the easiest thing to take. But nonetheless, I arrived back on Sunday night ready to get back in the swing of things: my last two classes of the semester, including a review session, work at the School of Public Health, and everything else that comes along with Mondays.

Part 2: Finding Support

Unfortunately, nothing ever goes as planned. I had already e-mailed a professor on Saturday warning that my last minute trip may get in the way of an assignment, but was told that I needed documentation of the emergency. Not sure how to approach this, I e-mailed Dean Bader and Dean Fry of academic advising explaining my circumstances. They were not only fast to respond, but understanding and glad that I made the decision to put family before academics. Although I got a little behind in my studies and had to take off work, I was confident that I could catch-up in order to finish up my five classes.

And although I had my ups and downs, I was getting work done. Unfortunately, on Thursday night I received the phone call in the library that he, my youngest and closest grandparent, had passed away. I put my paper that I was hoping to finally finish on the backseat and was comforted by phone calls from home and my boyfriend all of who know how much my grandfather has influenced who I am. My mother was about to drive down and pick me up, but I wanted to stay here and get through as much as I could. Needless to say, it took two days to get my head “back in the game.”

Finals time has always been stressful for me, especially this year with 4 finals and 1 essay in the span of one week’s time. However, without my “head in the game”, I was not about to get through this week how I academically was hoping to. On top of this, I didn’t want to take my finals and blame poor grades for an external influence like this. But, I also did not want to put my peers at an unfair advantage. Dean Fry encouraged me to keep him in the loop with everything and although he wasn’t free the day after my grandpa’s death to meet with me, he encouraged me to e-mail my teachers ASAP, explaining my circumstances, and giving a reasonable suggestion for an extension.

I’m not one to ask for deadlines. I plan my schedule around my work and have even changed my courses when I’ve known my schedule was not doable. However, I knew that I would need another two days on my essay and with that came a two day delay in everything else. And with that, I wrote an e-mail to all five of my professors and was told to keep Dean Fry him in the loop with all of my correspondences before I met with him on Monday morning.

I must say that my professors have been beyond accommodating. I have taken each class one at a time. I was able to get through my essay and get through a final on-schedule today. I will also be handing in a take-home exam earlier than expected. However, that leaves me with two other classes that the professors have decided it would be best to take a temporary incomplete and finish the courses on my own time. One professor actually refused to give me the exam during finals week saying that he didn’t want to put that extra weight on me now. Another professor has given me an ambitious research paper as an alternative exam to do over break.

As much as this gives me time to make sure that I end the semester on the high note that I had in all of my classes before this death, I’m not exactly happy to have to do work over break. And the phrase “taking an incomplete” hasn’t been the easiest phrase to accept. But I have been reassured with my parents and friends to not overburden myself and to be accepting knowing that in a month I will be done with my work, my incompletes will be replaced with grades, and to remember that none of this will matter in the long run.

College runs on a schedule and although I am now behind, I know that doing a little every day during break will bring me up to schedule by the time Intersession comes around. I am very thankful about how understanding Dean Fry and my professors have been. I am sure a lot of people go through these unexpected occurrences during the year and don’t bother to look for suppport. However, I encourage all of those reading this that if you ever feel as though something other than Facebook is slowing you down in your studies, to contact your academic advisers, Dean Fry, and your professors. Chances are that you’ll be able to work things out. And although I will have schoolwork on my mind over break and my planner now has new deadlines that go into January, I am thankful that I was able to see my grandfather and have been able to cope with his death with the support of Hopkins. I now know that somethings in life never go as planned, even in college, but that the support is there if you need it.

Posted by Roxi R.

Dear Jess,

I cannot believe how many finals you have. Seeing you in the library near broke my heart earlier this afternoon.

Please make my day and come to my holiday party this Saturday!Just take a 1 hour break from the library (it gets stuffy when you’re there too long!) and join us for a little dinner.

I promise there will be carrots and apple cider to your heart’s content!

Love,
-Roxi

Posted by Roxi R.

….I’m still learning every day. Today I officially had my last class of this semester and it feels absolutely surreal. Can I even fathom that my friends who are studying abroad have already been gone for a semester and they’re returning to me in the states? Absolutely not. Can I believe that somehow I have made it through 5 semesters worth of classes on this campus and have yet to fail out? Also shocking. But most of all, have I come to terms with the fact that next semester I will be thousands of miles away, on the wrong side of the world, living as a Chilean far from the insanity that usually accompanies the Hopkins lifestyle? HA.

So instead of looking towards the future (which currently includes my grandparents visiting on Friday, the Christmas party I’m hosting on Saturday – with a turkey, green bean casserole, and 3 kinds of pies!- and the traditional end of semester dinner my lab does on Sunday not to mention my Biostatistics final on Monday) I’m going to look back at what has kept me sane the last week and a half.

Haven’t heard of them? Neither have…most people, anywhere! Even my professor thought I was off my rocker, but for some reason their story struck something in me, and when I found out this wasn’t going to be just a run of the mill research effort, I couldn’t drop it. Maybe it’s my inner masochist but I stuck with it, painfully translating journal articles from Spanish, checking out book after book on South America for 1, or if I was lucky, 2 pages of information. I ended up with a 3 page bibliography, a pretty substantial amount of historical references for a science person!

I think at the end of the day I realized I had more than a “thesis”…I had a story to tell. A story that hasn’t been told before, and one that I learnt from myself. Sure, they’re obscure and maybe I do think they’re crazy for living in a desert, but they have been conquered time and time again, from the Tiwanaku to the Inca, Spanish to the English, but no matter how many civilizations have asserted dominance over them, they have preserved their unique traditions and way of life. They had incredible perserverence, and to this day have so much pride in their ancestors (they rose against the Chilean government and got to rebury 10 of their ancestors — what you may not know is that the Atacama Desert is home to the oldest mummies in the world, they predate the egyptians — a couple of years ago). I think its good to remember that every story is worth telling. None is too small or insignificant. I love my majors :)