Caught in Between

I have a confession to make…I’m a hopeless tool. Jess, I need you back in the library so I stop making a fool of myself. I have a terrible habit of not plugging my earphones into my computer correctly and then when I put my music on it plays out loud but I have my earphones on and don’t realize it and everyone can hear my music.

And today’s genre is blue-grass/banjo/folk.

I’m so mortified.

And this isn’t the first time…

OKay…so maybe I’m being a little bit of a drama queen, but in the history of Intersessions this one, well, it wasn’t one of the better ones. I’ve been locked up in the library cramming for my MCATs.

It’s coming.

Oh good gracious it’s coming.

January 31st is the day my life officially ends. oh me oh my.

I’m actually at a loss of words for this blog. I think i’ve spent all my words on writing samples and relearning orgo, physics, bio, and chemistry.

Jess and I spent some quality bonding time on C level of the library and I think that I might be developing a vitamin D deficiency from being indoors so much…otherwise I’m great!

This is good though! I mean, in a slightly masochistic kind of way. Yes, I’m miserable, and yes, I’m an abysmal abysmal standardized test taker. But going through this process: studying and trying to deal with the stress that comes with the fact that this test is pretty darn important in the grand scheme of my medical school application, I think I’m finally sure that medicine is absolutely what I want to do with the rest of my life.

I’ve always hated testing, and one of the things that bothers me the most is when people ask about your scores or grades on anything. But that’s me on a soap box…anyway I’m not giving up. I’m just going to keep preparing and doing my thing and do my best.

And you know what? if it doesn’t go well, it’s not the end of the world. No standardized test is the end of the world, I don’t care what admissions counselors or college confidential says. If my sitting goes poorly this Saturday, I’m just going to collect myself and find a way to take the test again in a couple months. Not that I want to do bad or that I’m justifying a terrible score…but everyone has off days and I just hope this Saturday isn’t one of mine.

I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anything as badly as I want to get into medical school. I want to be like the doctors at the clinic I volunteer at. I love people and hate being sick…I want to be someone’s doctor who they trust with their health, that’s a huge amount of trust, but I want to be there for my patients. I I hope that every pre-med goes through this same…I guess you’d call it soul searching…before the MCAT.

Word to the wise: you’ll never make it through the pre-med process if you don’t really want it. It’s so easy to give up and switch majors or find another career and path that don’t include the medicinal hoops, but to stick with it? To get through the orgos and the MCATs and the applications and the waiting…it’s not easy, but having a clear purpose has probably been the only thing that got me through the last couple of weeks.

So on that note I’m heading back to the library!

Sorry no pictures…I took one of Jess on C level but my phone won’t bluetooth it to my computer. Jess, I hope you’re being fun outside of the library now that classes have started!!

I am guessing you probably perceived the title of this blog as depressing. But to me, it really isn’t. I worked extremely hard on an alternative final paper over break (to make up one of my incompletes from last semester). And when I say I worked hard, I mean it. I spent long nights in the library (given it closed at midnight during Intersession-but you can only imagine how empty it was), read entire books for the essay, and learned about population theories that I had no idea about before I started. You could imagine how relieved I was when I turned the paper in (or rather, e-mailed it in)…and you could definitely imagine how happy I was when I returned the 15 books I had taken out for it. Believe me, Malthus and I bonded over break, but eventually we had had enough of each other and decided to break things up.Although, he is pretty good looking (see picture on the right).

Then I rescheduled my last final from last semester for today, January, 26th at 8-11 am. If you look at the academic calendar you would know that this is the beginning of Spring term…far from the end of finals period. However, I wanted the weekend to study for it and so I decided today would be best. It wasn’t the easiest of tests. The questions were broad–basically asking me for my interpretation of the main concepts of the course–and for what I think famous people’s reactions would be to it. I took the test on the 15th floor of the Dell House, in a room of an apartment that had turned storage room. (Because Gilman Hall is closed, the Humanities Department has moved into ex-apartments in the Dell House, an apartment complex). Sure, there was no clock (a slight problem when trying to manage time) and I was next to a kitchen, but it’s done. And I will admit, that it was nice to not have a class full of students taking the same exam. I finished the final at 10:36 am, in time to walk back to the Homewood campus for my 11 am class, my first class of the new semester.

So with that, one semester ended for me and another began. It sounds depressing, but it actually isn’t. Sure, I didn’t go on a cruise, or to Israel, or to India (as other bloggers did), but I still personally feel so satisfied with my break. I taught myself about a new subject area–population theories. A topic that intersects with health and environment (two of my favorite subjects). I became closer with Roxi (who has been in the library studying for the MCATS 24/7). I also took a really interesting 1 credit class called “Medicine, Media, Markets and Motherhood: Health and Infant Feeding in America” and realized how extensive the breastfeeding disparities are not only within the United States, but comparatively to the rest of the world.   On Friday, I went to DC with Matt to go to the Newseum–a place I have been eager to go to for a while. I worked at the School of Public Heath (not as much as I had hoped, but still…). And, of course, I watched our next president being sworn in.

So, it doesn’t sound like the greatest of breaks, but that really doesn’t matter to me right now. There really wasn’t much complaining on my end and I got through it knowing that it was worth the benefits–seeing my grandpa on one of his last days of life and being able to mourn without a pile of work on my shoulders. Additionally, I am more optimistic than usual today. I am personally proud of myself for getting through a paper that I thought I couldn’t, for exceeding my own academic expectations in terms of my grades from last semester. For being able to complete a final (and remembering so much of the material) that others took nearly six weeks before. I am also beginning to become excited for the summer internships I am applying to. I also have been grateful for Hopkins; for understanding that I needed these extensions and for getting me interested in a field that a love. My only complaint about my major is that there aren’t enough classes to take (on the social sciences track) that are directly related to public health.

I am looking ahead. I refuse to get stuck in a sophomore slump. Sure, I miss my grandfather more than many people probably can tell, but somehow the new picture additions to my room (pictures of my grandfather) have become inspiring for me. My grandpa was an intelligent man with a love of learning. I am getting excited for what I will learn about next. Today I went to three classes (I go “shopping” during the first week of classes before I decide what I want to take). For the first time, I actually enjoyed all three classes I went to. I now have no idea what I am going to end up taking (and how I am going to find time to go to work), but right now I am simply excited about learning. I am excited for picking a country to study abroad in next year and I am excited for creating summer plans. And I am excited for my birthday weekend in less than two weeks!

At lunch today I got asked, “How was your twenty minute winter break?” I laughed, but it actually feels great knowing that finals won’t be on the horizon for another three months. (And that I am not Roxi studying for the MCATS in the library right now).

Posted by Roxi R.

Before I begin ushering in the new year, I’d just like to say that Jess is probably one of the most amazing people I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. While everyone else on campus was teetering around, bemoaning their finals schedules and how “awful” their lives were, not once did I see her lose her composure and put someone in their place (though I had half a mind to do it myself). Jess, your strength really is inspiring and I have personally learnt so much from seeing you go through this hard time. I feel confident in saying that there are very few people who could cope with a loss such as the one you suffered with your grace, and certainly fewer still who would manage their responsibilities  and school work as effectively as you did. That you thought of other kids in your classes and the “fairness” of extensions speaks to your character. I miss you and hope the holidays and being with family have been good for you!

All right, 2008. Your time has come and gone! Time for New Years Resolutions and the like! So lets see,  where to start:

I solemnly (do you “solemnly” do these kinds of things?)…well I solemnly none the less…resolve to have more dinner parties in 2009. The Christmas party was a raging success! I cooked my very first turkey, although I won’t lie there were some pretty hysterical moments preparing the little bugger, and there was SOOO much food! I even stole Daniel’s mom’s amaretto sweet potatoe and gingernap topping recipe :)

Also, I solemnly resolve to begin learning persian. I’m staying with my dad in Albany for the holidays and it’s rather embarassing not to know one’s own heritage. Therefore I’m going to suck it up and take a Persian class in the upcoming year. Probably when I get back from Chile, but by gosh if college isn’t the time to do it, when is? I was at a dinner party and apparently, step one to becoming persian is learning to belly dance, or maybe they just wanted a good laugh. Anyway I got this skirt with gold coins and it’s really not that bad…except for the whole hips thing, I’m  miserably discombobulated.

Furthermore, I solemnly swear that the next time I’m in Houston I will enjoy it. Albany is…north. I  never realized how much I appreciate palm trees being decorated for Christmas. And as far as I’m concerned a “white” christmas is overrated and I’m pretty sure it’s just another greeting card scam…like Valentines day! But the good news is I’ve finally got myself a legitimate wool winter coat and I’m learning how to, I believe they call it “layer”.

I also solemnly resolve to explore Baltimore more. I found a fantastic pizza shop down the street from Vacaros that also sells my favourite sliced meat ever. Plus Vacaros is just so good, I had an Amaretto Tiramisu and everyone else had canolis as a “get off campus and celebrate being done with finals” treat. That trip was great and I’ve decided that when I get back to Baltimore after study abroad I will find more hole in the wall establishments like that!

Plus all the usual: exercise, read more, call parents  more often, call grandparents more often than parents, upload facebook pictures sooner after events, dress better in the cold, don’t complain when I’m sick because I didn’t bundle up enough and went out in the snow, study more effectively so I can spend less time in the library, check email more often and  respond to messages in a more timely manner, compliment someone every day, make ancestors proud, stop getting gushy over romantic comedies, watch less romantic comedies, be less influenced by what I read in the news, figure out how bad the economy really is, support the commander in chief (EVEN up until Jan 20), take better care of my skin, learn to love my new haircut (I lost 5 inches through a slight misscommunication with my hairdresser), find something beautiful to appreciate at least once a day, learn how to snowboard without causing people on the chairlifts above me to break into hysterical laughter when I inevitably eat it, pay attention to mirrors less, take more pictures of/with the people I love, buy something plaid, try ethiopian food, sweat the small stuff less, and last but certainly not least: turn 21 so I can start lying about my age.

Oh, and kick butt on my MCAT :).

Looks like I’ve got a lot to do in 2009…1 day down, 364 to go.

And P.S. Jess – Yes, I’ll be bak at Homewood next week studying for my MCAT and I’ll be there until early February, when I’ll leave Baltimore and come back to Albany to get ready to take off for summertime in Chile :). When will you be back?