This week, I applied to graduate.
I confirmed the number of classes I have left to take (8), submitted the phonetic pronunciation of my name (Jen-uh-veev), and shared with my advisor my plans for next year (Deep Listening: Sound Studies in Film and Media is a highlight).
While most of my friends procrastinated the application in a fit of bureaucratic frustration, I procrastinated it in a refusal to accept reality. No, there is no way I’m 3/4 through my college experience. There is no way I’m just a year away from graduation. No, no, no.
I hadn’t really confronted it other than occasional moments of Wow, I feel old, like taking a freshman friend to her first lacrosse game or watching the newest sisters of Alpha Phi get initiated and hearing our ~sacred secrets~ repeated for the third time. It really hit me when, over Spring Break, my step-dad asked me how it felt to only have one year of college left. I told him that I didn’t want to acknowledge it or talk about it—and I still don’t.
But with my second-to-last class registration soon approaching, I guess I have to.
With acknowledging the fact that I have one year left here, I also have to acknowledge that the three amazing, weird, challenging, unforgettable years I’ve had here are memories. I’m sad that these experiences are just photos, and that the ones that I do get to repeat feel like they have an expiration date.
Even moreso, though, I’m jealous of the incoming freshmen who get to do everything I did.
Here are the things that, in my sentimental state, I will most envy others for, most brag about to prospective students, most miss. These are my “why Hopkins.”
The trees on campus in spring:
Having the best people in the world just a couple of blocks away:
Looking over all of campus from The Varsity:
Campus in fall:
… And winter:
Being the loudest fan at lacrosse games:
The constant fun of Alpha Phi:
Spreading my looove for Hopkins with admissions:
Working & studying in the amazing city of Baltimore:
Going to parties that require wearing strange stuff:
Looking out over campus from roof tops:
Celebrations big & small:
Going all-out for Halloween with Emelynn:
Having some of the best art in the country at my fingertips:
The constant, inspiring creativity of the film & media studies department:
… And a million of others things that aren’t caught on camera. I’ll miss all of the things that Hopkins can’t show in brochures and that I can’t take pictures of: when our toaster somehow set off the fire alarm and Emelynn had to climb a chair and shut off the alarm with the broom; going to the library to get work done, finding a million friends, and spending the evening laughing about stupid stuff; watching a cappella groups and fraternities delivering serenades during secret week; learning mind-blowing stuff every day in class; getting praise (and criticism) from professors; sitting on the quad eating lunch on a sunny day; getting Unimini mozz sticks and seeing everyone you know on a Friday night; a million, trillion other things.
But—I’m not there yet. I still have a little over 25% of college left.
I just wish I were in the Class of 2020 and had all 100% in front of me.